Blue Chalk and Love Notes :: Lessons from a 7 Year Old || 4 Months Post Adoption

We bought a new rug. Thanks to some welcome home gift cards and a giant, yet washable, stain on the upper right corner, we walked out of Kmart with a giant size piece of carpet for less than my Aldi grocery bill.

The basement had decidedly been quartered off to make a playroom for our girl, who has befriended most of the children on our street and hosts tea parties, art classes, and teaches school to unknowing 3 year olds.

My living room and my minor OCD were not surviving the traffic.

The finished product (on a minimal budget) made me and our girl proud and so with excitement I announced that she could have her "quiet time" in the basement in her new play room.
(We have a quiet time every day for 1 hour to refuel her engine and give her a bit of time to wind down. But let's be honest...it is really for me.)

I heard the pitter-patter of feet running up the stairs, far too early than previously agreed. As an excited 7-year old face peered around the corner I automatically knew. Some thing had gone terribly wrong.

"I have a VERY awesome gift for you, Mommy." Blink. Blink, blink, blink.

I slowly walked down the steps, eyes half open because she had requested me blindfolded - to which I met her with a compromise of no.

As I entered the quarter size playroom and looked down, I gasped. The brand new white/cream/beige carpet (should of seen that one coming) that had been so delicately placed in our child's playroom (again, really didn't seen this coming?) was covered, COVERED, in bright neon blue chalk.

It was like a Smurf crime scene.
Her pride soared.
My jaw dropped.

As I looked from the carpet to her face and back again, it was obvious that I was in shock. And her joy went from soaring to broken.

"What did you do?" I asked.

And in a quiet voice she said, "I wrote you a love note."

As I looked closer, I realized that all the lines and circles and shapes were not random. They were calculated. And designed with care.

I LUV U MOMMY! heart shape. heart shape. heart shape.
N J E F. (This is her sleek way of writing code for our family - Nosipho, Jessa, Erik, Family) heart shape. heart shape. heart shape.
LOOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEEE. heart shape. heart shape. heart shape.
Chicken shape. (I'm still not totally sure how this one fits into the love note, but I'm sure it will come to me in some divine revelation when she is 16. Or she just really loves chickens.)

I am no adoption expert. Not even close. But even the worst informed adoptive parent would know two things in this situation:

1. My response to this situation was absolutely horrible.
2. We are the luckiest people in the world.

Adoption is hard.
The waiting process is daunting, exhausting, and heart-breaking at times.
And when you finally cross over to the much anticipated moment of meeting the child you have prayed for, cried over, pursued, and worked so hard to bring home, there is a part of you that feels like you should be singing and dancing everyday.

I am amazed at how quickly that emotion fades. And how quickly I forget that this is the little girl that stole our hearts and set us on a life-changing path.

When your daughter is kicking, screaming, crying, and scratching for anything she can touch in the heat of a total breakdown because she doesn't know how to express her needs, you forget that there is a little person in there that is broken and hurting.

When your 7-year old is asking you to dress her every morning and carry her to bed every single night when you know she is capable of doing it and all you want is 5 minutes to finish eating your cold dinner, you forget that there is a child in there whose basic needs have never been met the way they needed to be.

And when your daughter, who you adopted only 4 months ago, gives you kisses and hugs everyday and writes love (did you hear that? LOVE) notes in your brand new carpet, you forget that it is nothing short of a miracle that this little child is your daughter. And that by the grace of God, she has been able to find small pieces of healing and little reasons to trust, despite the many, MULTIPLE (like on the daily) moments where we TOTALLY screw up this whole parenthood thing.

We eventually scrubbed out the blue chalk and the stain in the right hand corner of the carpet. The stain came out completely. But there are hints of blue all over the rug and I am thankful for that. Thankful for the reminder that mistakes along the way are often more beautiful than perfecting the process.

Home.

We made it. It may have been a little over a week ago and it may be that I have been too tired to even think about posting on our blog...

But we made it. By the grace of God, we traveled over 9,000 miles, 23 hours, and 3 viewings of Frozen on the airplane to arrive back in Minnesota and into the arms of the people we love.

We have so much to be thankful for. We are figuring out this new life one step at a time, but praising God for His unending mercies, faithfulness, and grace.

Learning each day how to live and breath into our new role as parents.

There is a lot to write about, a lot to discover, and a lot of really hilarious things that (as parents) we probably shouldn't be laughing at. (We will be reporting all these missteps and adventures as soon as we have one solid night of uninterrupted sleep).

For now, here is a little glimpse into one of the most precious moments of our lives.

Thank you to all who have been praying, supporting, journeying through this adventure with us. We know that the hard part is just now starting, but are so thankful for the love we have been shown.

It is good to be home.

Drum Roll.....brrrrrrrrrrruuuuuummmmmmm...

I know how much you guys all hate the suspense we leave you in on a fairly good basis...
But, would you have it any other way?!

So for those of you who saw our post on Instagram/Facebook yesterday, you know we have some big news! And big news indeed!!!

We would like to announce that this week...

WE HAVE BEEN CHOSEN AS THE GIVE1SAVE1 FAMILY FOR OUR SOUTH AFRICA ADOPTION!!!!

What?!??!

This is a HUGE deal!!!!!

As many of you know, in January, we started a second adoption of a precious girl on the waiting child list at our agency. She is 6, amazing, and beautiful!

Because she is a waiting child, this whole process has gone really fast and everyone working on making this adoption happen is working hard to bring her home to us. And we can't wait. Like, literally, can't wait!

Last week, we were notified of some fees that we were unaware of that need to be paid to keep our adoption going forward (somewhat crushing but not destroying news, if you know what I mean).
When all you want to do is bring home your daughter, these kinds of things can be heart-wrenching. I sat in bathroom at church crying for a solid 20 mins before I made Erik take me home.
It was messy.
Real messy.

But God is so good and we have realized that through struggle and trials, and stolen cars (which did indeed happen the day after this news), God teaches us dependance, strength, and reliance upon him and His people to bless and care for us.
And that is exactly what has happened.

People stepping up to the plate to care for HIS people.

So now, we are asking that you partner with us this week as we pray hard, work hard, and rock the socks off of this adoption by getting those fees paid and bringing our girl home!

If you are new to Give1Save1 or not new at all, we will still give you a bit of instruction as to what you can do!

1. All you have to do is click on the link below, or RIGHT HERE or THIS PLACE or YES RIGHT HERE and watch our video to hear our story!

2. Then click on the "PureCharity Button" on the side of the Give1Save1 Blog to donate $1 or more to support our adoption journey! (This is new for those of you who donated last time to make sure that all of our money goes directly to our agency and IS TAX-DEDUCTIBLE and super secure! You will just need to make an account! WOO!)

3. Spread the Love!!! This works totally based on your generosity not just to give but to share! So post it, tweet it, instagram it, do whatever you have to do to spread the news and get people on board!

We are $7,000 away from bringing our girl home!! So thank you in advance for your love and support and walking with us for not just this week, but for so many (past and future), and making it possible to hopefully bring our sweet girl home soon!

Let's do this!

Backpacks, Jump Rope, and an Older Child Adoption

Diapers and rocking chairs.

That is where we were at.
There are days where I am still there.
That is...until I find myself wandering through the toy aisles at Target wondering if our daughter is able to jump rope or if she will like a Disney Princess backpack or lean more toward the mini-hipster owl style.

Oh yes. That is because she is 6 years old. Not 10 months old.

We have had to do some serious mentality shifting since January. It is almost like when you spend weeks and weeks preparing for a big test and then sit down, fully prepared and slightly puffed up at your lack of procrastination, to find that not one of the things you studied is actually on the test.

(If you haven't ever experienced that, then you are just far too smart for your own good and/or just a huge slacker that never studied.)

When we decided in January to pursue another adoption, we not only said yes to a beautiful 6 year old girl on a Waiting Child List, but we said yes to throwing out everything we THOUGHT we knew about preparing to be adoptive parents.

When you've spent 13 months preparing, reading, training, and learning specifically for something and then it all changes...
It rattles the cages a bit.

We've all of sudden stopped thinking about how to make a bottle and what crib to buy and started looking at how to register for elementary school and how to communicate through a language barrier.

I mean HELLO?!? Steven Spielberg would have a hay-day with a plot twist like this! (I may be taking some liberties with that one, but hey, I'm a big dreamer.)

So, how do you do Older Child Adoptions?

I have no idea.

But luckily, there are a lot of really wonderful people out there that have been brave enough to say yes to a child that is waiting for a family. A child who has already experienced a decent amount of life in their own country, speaking their own language, learning their own traditions and ways of living.

And we get to learn from their successes and their failures. For that, I am so grateful.

So as we read, learn, train, talk, and prepare as much as possible for yet another crazy and amazing adventure, here are a few thoughts I have to a lot of questions I have...


Why an Older Child? 

We never in a million years thought that we would start out parenthood with a 6 year old. That goes against every single understanding of the family order that I have ever known.
But, that is just it...that is all I have only ever known.
That doesn't mean that it is the only right way.

We had this awesome moment in our marriage (the kind that would have included fireworks and a soundtrack had this been that Spielberg movie I was referring to earlier) where we saw this little girl, saw her sweet joyful face, and knew in our hearts that we couldn't say no.

If we say no, and the next person says no, and the next person says no, and so on....
Then who will ever say yes?

And isn't that what we set out to do in the first place? Say yes to God's TOTALLY RIDICULOUS plan for our lives through adoption?

We realize that an Older Child Adoption is not for every family. But, was it not for us just because we don't have kids and are generally "young" by comparison? Just because it may somewhere down the line throw off the birth order of the children in our family? Because we are 29/30 and we have no idea what to do with a 6 year old?

Those just didn't seem like good enough reasons for us. Not good enough to say no to an orphan who needs a family.


What about all of the "challenges" that come with adopting an Older Child?

We may be young, but we are not naive. (Well...for the most part.) We know that this adoption won't be all roses and fluffy bunnies...which would be weird anyway.

There ARE challenges that come with Older Child adoptions like a greater sense of loss, difficulty in attachment, development, language barriers...the list goes on. We will most likely have to face many of these situations and pray for a lot of patience, a lot of grace, and giant dose of humility.

We have a lot to learn. A LOT. And not just from books and conversations. I'm pretty sure a lot of this learning will come once we are actually face to face with our little girl, growing and learning how to be a family together.

But, what family doesn't have challenges? A biological family may have different challenges than an adoptive family, but that doesn't make it any more or less challenging, does it?

A dear friend of mine, who adopted an older child several years ago, said to me over a perfectly brewed cup of coffee, "Jessa, you guys will indeed face challenges as parents. I face challenges every day, some with my biological children and some with my adopted one. But at the end of the day, they are all my children and I wouldn't want it any other way."


Are you scared?

Freaking terrified.

So if anyone reading this has been here, lived through it, and wants to share some important "know-hows"...bring it!

There are days where I feel like I am going to be the worst mom ever. I'm selfish, impatient, quick to anger, even quicker to talk, prideful, and protective of my "own" time.

I sometimes think that I am an even worse "adoptive" mom because I'm not reading enough materials, taking enough online webinars on parenting older children, writing eloquently and frequently on my blog, supporting 150 causes, or starting an orphan care ministry in my town.

God is pretty cool like this though. He doesn't judge me on my Amazon shopping cart book list. He doesn't even give me an eyebrow raise when I spend an afternoon catching up on missed episodes of Nashville instead of blogging about adoption.
He has a really gentle way of reminding me that I am not perfect. Never will be. Don't have to be.

Because He was for me.

And there is something strangely relieving about knowing that I'm going to try my guts out in adopting an older child, being a parent, loving a daughter, passionately pursuing my husband...and probably failing a lot.

And it is okay.

I pray every day that we will be the best parents that we can be and that we won't completely screw up our children. But before I pray any of those prayers, I pray that our daughter and our child that is maybe waiting for us in Ethiopia right now, will ALWAYS know how deeply loved they are by our God.
And that they will know that far before any of our mistakes, missteps, or "learning curves" that we throw at them as parents.



Like I said before...
I know Older Child Adoption is not for everyone.
But it is totally for us.

Even if fall flat on our face while re-learning jump rope.