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Needed.

"In a world of unrelenting changes, I am the One who never changes. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. Find in Me the stability for which you have yearned. 

I created a beautifully ordered world: one that reflected My perfection. Now, however, the world is under the bondage of sin and evil. Every person on the planet faces gaping jaws of uncertainty. The only antidote to this poisonous threat is drawing closer to Me. In My Presence you can face uncertainty with perfect Peace."

-Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young

Transparent Moment

I don't often feel sad about the fact that we aren't able to have kids naturally.

I feel like I have been there and walked through that emotion. Once when we found out that it was me. Once when we found out that it was actually both of us.

One of the coolest things about adopting, for us, is that we both feel like our hearts have always wanted to adopt. We just didn't know that our family was going to be completely grown out of adoptions.

I had a moment on Saturday.

A moment where I got really angry.
My anger came out of the realization that a lot of the families adopt because they feel called to or wanted to...

Not because they have to.

Please understand a few things:
1. I know that there are a lot of families, both adoptive and not, that struggle with infertility.
2. I also realize that adoption, no matter what the reason, is absolutely incredible and an absolute living out of the gospel.
3. I am not looking for anyone to feel sorry for us.

I could not be more excited about the plan that God has put in place for us and the crazy road map of our lives that we are following by trusting that plan.

But it was the first time in a long time that my heart sank a bit and a tear welled up in my eye over the lose of something that we didn't have.

To be honest...I'm a bit thankful for those moments.

They make me feel human.

My Life As A Time Lapse

As a kid, I remember watching special videos that my dad made. As a photographer for FOX, this was not a rare occasion. However, this specific video I recall vividly in my mind...and I'm not sure why.

In 1995 St. Louis constructed the Trans World Dome (now known as the Edward Jones Dome) in order to bring the NFL back to the area. I remember my dad spending tons and tons of hours piecing together a time-lapse video of its construction. He was so proud of the result after hours, days, weeks, and months of work. 

I remember watching the video and being proud too.  

I also remember being amazed at seeing something that was built over a long period of time come together in a span of 5 minutes. 

Doesn't it sometimes feel like life is that same way? You work so hard for these huge events in life and then all of a sudden they are over and it feels like you were just living life as a part of a time lapse. 

The last 4 weeks of our lives have felt that. I mean like high speed, crazy outcome, non-stop time lapse. 

Here is a little review. In the last 4 weeks, we have:

• Hosted 1 Student Ministries Fundraiser
• Hosted and ran 2 Adoption Fundraisers
• Completed our Homestudy for Adoption
• Housesat for one of our High School Students
• Had an out of town visitor for a few days
• Successfully put together and completed our High School Mission Trip
• Lead Worship for Sunday Church
• Preached a Sermon
• And a partridge in a pear tree?

I think back and wonder how on earth we fit all of this into our lives (on top of the regular work schedule, photo shoots, bible studies, seminary). When I look back at it, it is just a glimpse of the reality of the time spent to build, construct, and execute the actual events. 

It all happened so fast. 

Now that I have some time to step back and slow down, I look back at the completed month and see the incredible results of all of this madness! 

To list a few...

• Relationships built cross-generationally within our church through raising money for CHIC
• 2 months of prayers and encouragement to get us to the point of completing the first step of our adoption
• $1,700 raised from our Mini Session Photography Fundraiser
• Renewal and Refreshment in old friendships
• Building and deepening in new friendships 
• Seeing the fruits of letting go and trusting God
• Changed lives through service
• Stronger relationships within our student body
• Stirred passion in our hearts for Inner City Missions
• Finding purpose in using our gifts to glorify God 

You can't always see things clearly when you are in the thick of it. Sometimes it takes watching it all pieced together at completion to realize that the whole process...long, daunting, and challenging as it may be...has created something beautiful. Beautiful and lasting.

To Remind Myself

"It is really easy to get overwhelmed along the way of adoption."

I was told this before we started.

Overwhelmed? I can handle overwhelmed. I am the queen of conquering overwhelmed. I have learned to deal.

Funny how awesome we think we are in our own strength...and then how surprised we are when we just can't cut it.

I'm realizing (on a daily basis) that all of this work and effort and time means nothing without giving up control.

Because I get overwhelmed. God doesn't.

"Today put everything into prospective. Stop trying to work things out before their time has come. Accept the limitations of living one day at a time. When something comes to your attention, ask Me whether or not it is part of today's agenda. If it isn't, release it into my care and go on about today's duties.

When you follow this practice, there will be a beautiful simplicity about your life: A time for everything,and everything in its time." - Jesus Calling

My dad sent this in an email to me the other day and I have found myself reading it several times...an hour. 

I need to be reminded because I have let myself get consumed. 

I need to be reminded because I can't do it alone.

I need to be reminded because there is indeed a time for everything. 

So the day prior to a huge fundraiser for our adoption, I am asking not for people to sign up, not that we make lots of money, not even that the rain doesn't come...

But that we can all pray and be reminded to let God be God and to dwell in the wonder and simplicity of the knowledge that He is doing amazing things. 

Threads of Our Journey

This is something that we have been looking forward to doing since we started this adoption...

And yes...this is the announcement that I was referring to in my previous post...so HOLD ON TO YOUR PANTS!!

And change your shirts?

Because we've got new ones for you to put on!!

We proudly introduce our first set of Love All Adoption T-shirts!!!!

This is a design that came from our hearts as not only a couple who is adopting, but a couple who believes deeply in the call to "Love All" through our ministry, words, actions, and lives. 

And so, as we walk this journey, we wanted to make something that would remind us constantly that it is not just about our adoption...

But about loving others through everything that we do!

So support our adoption and the call to "Love All"...

And buy a shirt!!! 

Thank you.

We have been so overwhelmed with the amount of love, support, encouragement, wisdom, and guidance that has been given to us as we are walking in the process of adoption.

I think that it is really easy (as you can see from my last post) to get overwhelmed by the discouraging aspects of all of this. But we often forget that we have so many hands and feet behind us and in front of us, carrying us and catching us, as we go. 

And for those of you who have been there to walk through all of this with us...we just wanted to say...

I wish there were bigger words to use and more extravagant ways of showing it...but seriously...we couldn't do this without you...every single last one of you. So, whether you have supported us with prayers, words, finances...whatever! 

Thank you. 

We have a long way to go and way more work to be done, but we feel encouraged, supported, and lifted up by all of you. 

Today, I added up all of the financial support that we have received so far and was completely blown away by the amount of generosity and love that we have been shown! I have added a fundraising thermometer to the side of our blog so that you can follow along with us as we move forward and closer to building our family...

One that each of you will be a part of!

I pray that today you feel as blessed and loved as we do and that the Lord will show you His incredible faithfulness in ways that far outweigh anything you have ever known before. 

just one of them days.

I'm so tired. (this is me whining).

Like straight up, dragged down, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritual EXHAUSTED!

5 hour energy can't even cure this situation.

And I don't really have a good excuse. Seriously.

All things considered, I'm a bit of a slacker.

I guess everything just piled up on top of each other and the weight got a bit too heavy today. Ministry, marriage, adoption, photography, fundraising...BLAH!

Do you ever have those days where life is just too much? Where you don't know how you got there but you are literally on the verge of a complete breakdown?

That is me. Right now. Right here. Happening today.

I kind of just want to go sit in a room somewhere for like 4 days and not talk to anyone.

How is that even appealing?

You would have thought there would be some kind of warning, right? Like flashing lights and detours signs? I feel like that pour little kitten hanging from the tree branch.

...I just feel it super necessary to give a visual reminder here in case any of us have forgotten the wonder of "Scholastic" and all of the ridiculous posters they allowed you to purchase in the name of education. Amazing...

Ok back on track...
I'm reminded today of the reason we started this blog and the theme that holds it and our lives together. I don't want to be reminded today, but I am.

And for my sake, I'm going to share it on here today...if only for me having to read it as I type it out to remind myself of its truth.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on your. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

Fundraising for Adoption????

When we first set out on the adoption journey...one of the hardest things to look at face to face was the cost. It almost seems like paired up next to "parenthood", the cost is the WAAAAY scarier and WAAAAYY more unknown! I feel like that is a little twisted.

I'm not going to lie, I have had days where I have thought "I love that we are adopting but I hate that most people who have natural born kids don't have to come up with $30,000 to do it." There is a part of me that feels like it is unfair. That is just an honest moment.

When you feel God call you into something, there are usually 2 things that you can do.

1. Ignore it and pretend like you don't feel the nudges that He keeps giving you...which let's be honest...could probably get quite annoying after a while.

2. Follow. Follow and step forward with CRAZY amounts of trust.

Sometimes, I feel like the first choice is easier because it is way more tempting to just ignore something than it is to actually do something about it.

In our first meeting with Bethany Christian Services, our social worker handed us a packet of a whole bunch of different banks that do Adoption Loans. It seemed like that would be a quick cork in the money problem if that is what direction we wanted to go.

Keep in mind, in the adoption process, it is not like a "Here is the huge chunk of money that you will have to pay and you can just pay it off as you feel led." It is more of a "Here is the amount you owe, pay it and we will move to the next step."

So, in my mind...Adoption Loan = Yes!

Then the whole trust thing came into play. We have had some close and important people in our lives talk with us about the Adoption Journey. Their advice?

"Don't do a loan. Trust God for the money. Because if God has brought you into this calling, He will not use debt to accomplish it."

Ok. That looks theoretically AWESOME on paper. Not so much when a bill is looking you in the face for double the amount that you have in your bank account.

So, I have struggled to come to a place where I can confidently say that I trust God to work in some really incredible ways to make this happen. Which is funny...because He has provided in amazing ways already throughout each step of this journey!

I have also really struggled with the fact that we have to ask others around us to support us.
Because seriously, I know very few people who love to ask others, in your most vulnerable state, for help. And I know even less people who LOVE asking for financial support. It is awkward, uncomfortable, and subject to serious judgement.

So if you have ever questioned why someone is fundraising for adoption, have considered fundraising for adoption, or are in the process of doing so...

This is where we have personally landed on this matter...

We can't do it by ourselves. We are doing everything that we can and making every sacrifice that we can make to save money and move forward. But we can't do it alone.

And we don't believe we were called to do it alone. We believe that God has put us in a spot to minister to others and allow others to minister to us. To humble ourselves enough to recognize that we are not in control, that we have to fully trust God, and that it is okay to ask for help in this calling that is not just about us, but about an orphan, and ultimately about living out the gospel.

So is fundraising for adoption okay?

I believe it is more than okay. I believe it is the body of Christ at its finest.

Equipped.

A little less than a year and a half ago I was sitting in the basement conference room of a Marie Calendar's in Pismo Beach, CA listening to a man talk to pastors and their spouses.

My spouse was currently NOT present as he was learning to hear God's voice more clearly in the vastness of nature, fondly known as the "Back Nine".

I had just come off of a weekend conference for Youth Leaders in San Diego, stacked with famous worship leaders, powerful speakers, and more free candy than anyone could ever dream.

Often times, these kinds of things overwhelm me to the point of no return. It is a lot of people. A lot of Christian "networking". A lot of youth pastors with back packs and new balance shoes. A lot of seminars. A LOT of "God".

Please note: I am not talking about the "lot of God" that is good, satisfying, and necessary. I'm talking about the "lot of God" that is in your face, publicized, "if you don't raise your hands in a powerful fist pumped toward the heavens during worship you must not be a very good Christian" lot of God.

There is a huge difference.

So...maybe it was that.
Maybe I was coming down off of a starstruck sugar high...

Either way...I was tired, moody, and didn't want to be stuck in a room with a whole bunch of pastors. Again.

Usually in these situations, I come up with a really good excuse for why I need to "rest" in my hotel room and spend some quiet time with the Lord aka catch up on my missed shows on Hulu.

But this day, I was through the door of the conference room, sitting at a table, "spouse-less", with notebook and bad attitude in hand.

This is the message I heard that morning. The message that I needed to hear and haven't forgotten.

God's intentions are not thwarted by our failures. Even through defeat, He is carrying out His call on your life. Why? Because He has been working on our call before we were even here. He has equipped us with everything that we need to walk into His call because...

What is ordinary to us becomes extraordinary for the sake of God. 

This Christmas, as a gift from my brother-in-law, this message became a permanent reminder to me that God is faithful, that He has equipped me with what I need to walk into His call, and that it is ALL about Him. 

May we always be reminded that walking this walk requires faith, action, trust, and obedience. 

And sometimes, we just have to step out of our comfortability and insecurities to recognize that we have been equipped with extraordinary resources to live, love, and make God known. 

The Only Thing

I tend to try and accomplish all tasks at once.
It is the way my brain works.
I give myself a list...and BOOM! Like a horse released from the gates...I'm runnin!

And these are not like "Do laundry and pick up milk" tasks.

These are like "Sell the car, adopt a child, bring every person in Modesto to Christ, and accomplish World Peace TODAY!!" tasks.

Erik always says "Jessa, you aren't going to be able to save the world in one day."
To which I usually respond with an "I know."

In my heart...I am really thinking, "Says who?"

Sometimes I think I'm invincible.

When I end up curled in a ball on my couch, rocking back and forth, crying on the phone to my poor husband who is at Seminary trying to study, I often wonder how I got to this place.

Really, Jessa? Really?

So, this morning...I decided to spend some much needed time with a guy who usually brings about a lot of peace in my life. This is what He said to me...

"Jessa, I will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

So how about erasing my "Do this, Do that" list...and just adding the only thing that I really need to do?

Be still.

You're Mine

In our devotions this morning, we read Isaiah 43:1-4. 
I tell you what...
It rocked our lives. 
I know what you are thinking...everything rocks the Anderson's lives these days. But, wow...
What a glorious and awe-filled reminder of who God is. 

But now, God's Message, 
the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, 

the One who got you started, Israel:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.    

I've called your name. You're mine.

When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.    

When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.

When you're between a rock and a hard place,it won't be a dead end—

Because I am God, your personal God,The Holy of Israel, your Savior.

I paid a huge price for you:all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!

That's how much you mean to me!    

That's how much I love you!

I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,    

trade the creation just for you.

Reading these words, we hear God's voice echoing into our worries, anxieties, self-consciousness and doubts.

He is passionate about being in and among our lives. So much that He would do anything...that He DID everything! 

I guess what we are trying to say through these ramblings and teary eyes, with coffee in hand...

We hope that we can remember these words each day and that our child will grow up knowing the same truth about the incomprehensible love of God. 

In case you were wondering...

Yup. That is right folks! We have officially started down the road of adoption! And holy cow...

And we are STOKED!!!!

More than 2 years ago, we started having conversations about our future, our family, our desires for what that family might look like. Knowing that we had some odds against us, we brought up the idea of adoption...scary and seemingly unrealistic. But, both of our hearts were filled when we would think about even the idea! God was clearly moving...and we are learning not to mess with God.

Over this past year, we have been to doctors, had some testing done, and done our fair share of research as to the problems we were facing with our own intentions of being pregnant. We sat down and made the decision that this would be as far as we were going to go. No needles, no excessive testing, no procedures. If we were going to spend our money somewhere, it was going to be on a child that needed a home.

Now obviously we had our own plans. Right?
The ones that when God says "Walk Forward," you say, "God...clearly not right now. You obviously don't understand our timeline or plans!"

We decided to wait to pay off our debts, set into place a secure savings, and THEN pursue an adoption that would take maybe 2 or more years. Sounds solid, yeah?! We thought so too!

But, God had different plans.

There is honestly nothing scarier and more awesome than going to your spouse with a tug on your heart to do something that you had specifically talked about NOT doing and then finding out that they had the same tug. And that tug....well that tug is changing our lives.

So...
God is moving and preparing, we are trusting and praying (and filling out TONS of paperwork), and within the next few years...we will be the proudest parents of a little boy or girl from Ethiopia!

This is the beginning of our journey and we are so scared, nervous, excited, elated, and looking forward to what God has in store for us...because we know the end result is going to be incredible!

And that is why God rocks.

This is big. Really Really big!

You are not going to want to miss this. We have some really big news. (and just to squash any unnecessary rumors...there is no bun in the oven!) But seriously...you'll want to know. So, to add to the intrigue...you'll have to wait. We will let you know on Saturday!

Reality Check.

Debt sucks.

Reality check #2.

When you realize that your debt is over a swimsuit coverup you had to have in 2006 that was so generously donated to Goodwill in 2007 because it was "so last season".

The truth is...we struggle. And I know a lot of people do. But for me, it is easier to justify debt from owning a house or raising a family over debt from splurging on too many superficial things.

And I guess now, more than ever, we are feeling stuck in the reality of our debt vs. our future family. That is a heavy burden. One that we placed on ourselves and now one that we have to deal with.

Dave Ramsey (a great and wise man who offers relief from debt for many families) tells you to start with the snowball effect. The "pay off the little things first to gain momentum" idea.

Well, what happens while you are waiting for the snow to fall so you can begin making your snowball?

It is hard to find momentum when you feel like every time you start, you hit another road block. Whether it is a car breaking down or a medical bill that needs to be payed...sometimes it just seems like too much.

Don't get me wrong...we are SO blessed! God has completely offered provision to us in amazing ways and through amazing people.

This is just one of our realities right now. A hard but true reality and one that we are looking at face to face and ready to change.

One Mask At A Time...

I'm back.

Summer in Youth Ministry proves to be a very time consuming ordeal, which has been fine with me! Frankly, I didn't feel like putting my thoughts to blog. Some seasons just seem to give you more energy to write about your life. I guess summer is not one of them for me!

But we press on...

This summer, I have been reading a book with my friend Ellen called "TrueFaced." The book is all about learning how to trust God and others with who you really are and recognizing that when we live into the reality of our true identity, God does crazy amazing things in our lives!

The funny thing is...I know that.
The not so funny thing is...I still don't live like it.

The whole first chapter is about "Masks." Masks that we wear to disguise what is really going on inside. Masks that put up a facade that says "I'm all good. Aren't you?" There are apparently three types....I am the "Doin' Just Fine" kind. Always "doing just fine." No problems here. Livin' the ministry dream!

The reality is...I'm not always "doin' just fine." And recently, I have felt the weight of this mask more than any other. I think when you are a Christ follower, especially working in ministry, people expect you to be fine. We would never ADMIT that we think everybody needs to have it all together but honestly, we make it seem like that is the standard or the norm. But what if we didn't expect everyone to always "be fine" or "have it all together"? Maybe then people wouldn't be so scared to take off their masks and share what is really going on inside.

This March I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. After 2 years of unofficially "trying" to have kids, we decided that I should go see if something was going on. PCOS was the result. Aside from many other issues that it may cause, infertility is probably the scariest. And the one the stares me closest in the face. And the thing is...this is not a rare diagnosis! There are tons of people that have this and tons of success stories of women who have children naturally and live long happy lives.

My heart doesn't often feel that hopeful. There are days that I am angry. Days that I question everything. Days that I just don't want to talk about when Erik and I are going to have a family. And days where I really doubt what God has in store for our lives.

But, what I am learning is that putting on a mask and pretending that everything is "just fine" is doing nothing to help. In fact, it is keeping me from trusting others and most importantly, trusting God. I have no clue what God's plans are for our lives. I have no clue if one day we will have children, naturally or through adoption. But, I do know that putting on a mask is only keeping me from living fully into the promises that God has a hope and a future for us. And that God's plan for us is to be a reflection of who He is.

The only problem is...paper mache doesn't reflect.
So...the masks are coming off.

Sup World!

I feel like I should start this post like I started my diary when I was 13.

"Dear Diary,

So sorry that it has been a while since I've written. I have been so busy..."

(which....I think I would LOVE to know what I was "busy" with when I was 13)

But for reals....

Sorry it has been a while. I would like to say it really has been because I've been busy...but really it has been because I've been busy being not-busy. At least for the last few weeks.

That is right.

I checked out.

See ya on the flip!

Hasta Luego!

Sianara!

(that is about as far as my "goodbyes" in other languages takes me)

It was a nice little break away from the chaos of life because let's see...since we last talked we have braved a Tsunami Warning, redone our backyard, planned and executed an amazing Oregon Mission Trip, thrown an end of the year 200 person party, managed to loose the capabilities of reverse in our car, fight off and be somewhat conquered by spring allergies, hire a summer intern, take a trip to St. Louis, on top of the usual day to day small groups, youth groups, Sunday School, meetings, worship, planning, organizing, cleaning, as well as solve the world's dilemma of world peace.

Ok...maybe not the world peace thing...but we are working on it.

After some much needed R&R at the Heyse B&B and some fantastic soul time with old friends and new family members....I'm feelin....well....back.

And apart from the couple days under the weather with some cold-like symptoms...and after the heroic attempt at caring for me by my husband (which lasted about 12 hours before he gave me a puppy dog look and with a great sigh said "I'm ready for you to feel better") I'm ready. I think. 

I am so needy!!!

           So this past week my incredible wife Jessa has been out of town visiting her loving family in St. Louis. The time that she gets to spend with her mom, dad, and the “sister’s of glory” is priceless for her. One of the things I cherish about my dear lady is that she values time with her family. It brings her overflowing joy. That being said….

            Every time she leaves for an extended period of time I am left to my primitive, male, quesadilla eating devices. I forget to do the simplest things! Finding my socks become an all morning adventure, brushing my teeth is like climbing Everest, and don’t get me started about the deodorant (mostly because I can’t find it.) I thought I was developing as a husband! I really didn’t think I was this needy, for reals!

            Through the trials of laundry, watering flowers, and learning how to properly iron a dress shirt (still looked like it was at the bottom of laundry bag)….all of this got me thinking about the life that Christ led. More specifically the “humanness” He shared with us. You see, most days I see the life of Christ and how He lived and instantly become overwhelmed by the task of mirroring it. If I can’t find my left shoe in the morning, then how am I ever fully model my life after Christ?

            What I am discovering is that Christ lived a life that was fully God and fully human. Growing up I never heard, was taught, or led to understand the humanness of Christ. I understood and sort of grasped the death/resurrection portion of the story, but the humanness portion was left out. Until recently. For me, Erik Peter Anderson, to know that Jesus experienced the elements of the human experience brings me relief. It’s as if Jesus is right here next to me saying, “Erik, you silly goose, it’s going to be ok. I’ve been there….” It leads to me see that my needs are not as isolated and “out of the blue” as I might believe. Christ felt the needs that I wrestle with and feel defeated by today (well maybe not the sock part…)

 A tender moment I see this playing out in His life is when he experienced my biggest need right now, companionship. …He needed His friends… In Matthew 26:36-38 - When faced with the prospect of betrayal and death, Jesus requested that his three closest friends support him in his hour of despair. Seeing this side of our Savior ushers me into a moment of liberation. He did not experience life in a sublime realm of perfection. Christ felt as I feel. I don’t have to feel alone when the going gets tough. We can have moments and seasons where we lean on others when we are weak or need guidance. Because the truth is…(and I hate to admit this)…I can’t do it alone. This aspect is so foreign to me. For me, knowing the full goodness of God and Jesus -  is knowing the full, true humanness that allows us to be free from our expectations. Understanding His humanness is why I now discover His fulfilled perfection, which extends hope into my life. Through His humanness I find what I have been looking for all along….me. It’s time to rely on the one who knows where we’ve been….

PS – Jessa – I really have no idea where I would be without you. Thank you for always being there.

PSS – It’s time to come home….  I Love you. 

Erik

Cheers!

I was a senior in high school when I met probably the most inspirational and important people in my life.

Russ and Katie Mohr.

Who knew that as an awkward 17 year old, these two incredible folks would stumble on into my life and start to teach, form, and shape me into much of the person I am today.

Russ undertook the spectacularly modge-podged worship team that we had put together and began to teach us worship leadership and devotion through his passion and heart for the Lord and music.

Katie taught me grace and accountability through leading me as a discipler and teaching me how to lead other young women into the knowledge and goodness of God. Yup...this is our first Dgroup together! And yes...we are the twinsies in the awesome bandana headbands!


Both poured out time, love, encouragement, wisdom, and guidance into my life.

And as a couple, both taught me how important it is to put God first as a foundation in marriage, to love your spouse unconditionally through all things, and to still laugh and have fun while you journey through it!

Their journey has not only been inspirational, but a constant reminder that God truly has incredible and often surprising plans for our lives. I respect and admire them the most for faithfully following Him through the ups and downs and continuing to glorify His name in all circumstances.

Ok...I won't go through the whole next 10 years of life...but if you don't know them or their story...check it out on Katie's blog! It really is amazing!

All this to say, they are in the process of adopting their second child this spring and Russ has put together an absolutely incredible worship album as a part of their fundraising effort! It is downloadable and only costs $10 (or more if you wish to contribute more)!

Ok....not kidding guys!! It is SOOOO GOOD!! You don't want to miss out because seriously, not only is it great music...but this album is full of passion and truly ushers you into a beautiful place of worship.

So, if you are looking for some new worship music and would love to be a part of helping out the Mohr's...then...don't hesitate!  Click on this link to take you to the site to purchase the album!

Here is to amazing friends and the life-changing impact that each of us have the opportunity to make and to those who choose to do it!

Like A Ball Of Yarn

One more day left until my husband comes home. Holy cow am I ready! I miss that guy like crazy!
The simple truth is that he most definitely holds me together. I don't think I fully knew this until he was absent. I'm beginning to think that I have completely unraveled in two weeks.

Example A:  I gave up diet coke. SERIOUSLY?!? And no...I'm not pregnant. I saw a news story about how it is KILLING people and decided now is not my time to go. So...cold turkey. DONE.

Example B: I have a joined a new family.They are a complex and intricately amazing family known as the Walkers. You can get to know them on the show Brothers & Sisters on ABC or on your live streaming NetFlix.

The truth of the matter is, I didn't realize how much I depended on him for my sanity. Don't get me wrong...I love my independence. But, when my husband, best friend, boss, singing partner, best listener, counselor, comedian is gone...well...I just unravel.

However, I've begun to believe that the "unraveling" of myself is not all that bad. I am learning that as things come undone, there begins to be more space for God. More space for....rest.

"The movement from loneliness to solitude, however, is the beginning of any spiritual life because it is the movement from the restless senses to the restful spirit, from the outward-reaching cravings to the inward-reaching search, from the fearful clinging to the fearless play." - Henri Nouwen


So, in preparation for Erik's return, I have challenged myself. Maybe instead of giving things up or distracting myself with fake realities...I should remember that solitude is not all that bad. That it is a gift and a discipline that I often overlook. And that the movement into solitude is a practice I should include in my life. 


And maybe...just maybe...all this unraveling is necessary to gently and persistently draw into our Savior.