Blue Chalk and Love Notes :: Lessons from a 7 Year Old || 4 Months Post Adoption

We bought a new rug. Thanks to some welcome home gift cards and a giant, yet washable, stain on the upper right corner, we walked out of Kmart with a giant size piece of carpet for less than my Aldi grocery bill.

The basement had decidedly been quartered off to make a playroom for our girl, who has befriended most of the children on our street and hosts tea parties, art classes, and teaches school to unknowing 3 year olds.

My living room and my minor OCD were not surviving the traffic.

The finished product (on a minimal budget) made me and our girl proud and so with excitement I announced that she could have her "quiet time" in the basement in her new play room.
(We have a quiet time every day for 1 hour to refuel her engine and give her a bit of time to wind down. But let's be honest...it is really for me.)

I heard the pitter-patter of feet running up the stairs, far too early than previously agreed. As an excited 7-year old face peered around the corner I automatically knew. Some thing had gone terribly wrong.

"I have a VERY awesome gift for you, Mommy." Blink. Blink, blink, blink.

I slowly walked down the steps, eyes half open because she had requested me blindfolded - to which I met her with a compromise of no.

As I entered the quarter size playroom and looked down, I gasped. The brand new white/cream/beige carpet (should of seen that one coming) that had been so delicately placed in our child's playroom (again, really didn't seen this coming?) was covered, COVERED, in bright neon blue chalk.

It was like a Smurf crime scene.
Her pride soared.
My jaw dropped.

As I looked from the carpet to her face and back again, it was obvious that I was in shock. And her joy went from soaring to broken.

"What did you do?" I asked.

And in a quiet voice she said, "I wrote you a love note."

As I looked closer, I realized that all the lines and circles and shapes were not random. They were calculated. And designed with care.

I LUV U MOMMY! heart shape. heart shape. heart shape.
N J E F. (This is her sleek way of writing code for our family - Nosipho, Jessa, Erik, Family) heart shape. heart shape. heart shape.
LOOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEEE. heart shape. heart shape. heart shape.
Chicken shape. (I'm still not totally sure how this one fits into the love note, but I'm sure it will come to me in some divine revelation when she is 16. Or she just really loves chickens.)

I am no adoption expert. Not even close. But even the worst informed adoptive parent would know two things in this situation:

1. My response to this situation was absolutely horrible.
2. We are the luckiest people in the world.

Adoption is hard.
The waiting process is daunting, exhausting, and heart-breaking at times.
And when you finally cross over to the much anticipated moment of meeting the child you have prayed for, cried over, pursued, and worked so hard to bring home, there is a part of you that feels like you should be singing and dancing everyday.

I am amazed at how quickly that emotion fades. And how quickly I forget that this is the little girl that stole our hearts and set us on a life-changing path.

When your daughter is kicking, screaming, crying, and scratching for anything she can touch in the heat of a total breakdown because she doesn't know how to express her needs, you forget that there is a little person in there that is broken and hurting.

When your 7-year old is asking you to dress her every morning and carry her to bed every single night when you know she is capable of doing it and all you want is 5 minutes to finish eating your cold dinner, you forget that there is a child in there whose basic needs have never been met the way they needed to be.

And when your daughter, who you adopted only 4 months ago, gives you kisses and hugs everyday and writes love (did you hear that? LOVE) notes in your brand new carpet, you forget that it is nothing short of a miracle that this little child is your daughter. And that by the grace of God, she has been able to find small pieces of healing and little reasons to trust, despite the many, MULTIPLE (like on the daily) moments where we TOTALLY screw up this whole parenthood thing.

We eventually scrubbed out the blue chalk and the stain in the right hand corner of the carpet. The stain came out completely. But there are hints of blue all over the rug and I am thankful for that. Thankful for the reminder that mistakes along the way are often more beautiful than perfecting the process.

Home.

We made it. It may have been a little over a week ago and it may be that I have been too tired to even think about posting on our blog...

But we made it. By the grace of God, we traveled over 9,000 miles, 23 hours, and 3 viewings of Frozen on the airplane to arrive back in Minnesota and into the arms of the people we love.

We have so much to be thankful for. We are figuring out this new life one step at a time, but praising God for His unending mercies, faithfulness, and grace.

Learning each day how to live and breath into our new role as parents.

There is a lot to write about, a lot to discover, and a lot of really hilarious things that (as parents) we probably shouldn't be laughing at. (We will be reporting all these missteps and adventures as soon as we have one solid night of uninterrupted sleep).

For now, here is a little glimpse into one of the most precious moments of our lives.

Thank you to all who have been praying, supporting, journeying through this adventure with us. We know that the hard part is just now starting, but are so thankful for the love we have been shown.

It is good to be home.

South Africa, Family of Three, and Katy Perry

My plan was to blog in South Africa during our adoption.

No one ever told me that having a 6 year old would not allow for that..easily. 

Touche Parenthood. Touche. 

But, in an effort to bring some news and updates to all of you, I decided to put down my obsession with Candy Crush (post bedtime), grab a glass of wine and go sit outside on the patio of someone's house to capture a few minutes of stolen internet! Boom. This is Africa. 

The last 2+ weeks have been a complete whirlwind. I liken it to the part of the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy has not yet figured out that she is in a dream and a house just crushed a witch. Oddly exciting, somewhat confusing. Definitely foreign. 

We arrived in South Africa after a long 37 hours of travel through too many different countries to list. The day following this, we met our daughter. Our beautiful, vivacious, energetic, independent, and amazing daughter. She is beyond anything we could have ever dreamed. God absolutely knew what he was doing when He weaved our family together.

We spent our first week visiting her each day at her orphanage, getting to know each other, and eating a lot of hamburgers and french fries. (Don't criticizes this unless you have a adopted a 6 year old from a foreign country. You literally do whatever it takes.)

Enter Katy Perry. We found our first days of bonding with her to be quite difficult. She didn't really want anything to do with us after Day 1. We tried everything. We were super cool. I mean, pullin' out all the "cool parent" tricks. I was like "Dang, Erik. We are awesome." Nosipho was like, "Not so much."

Who knew that Katy Perry and her Prism album would single handedly open up the door to instant bonding. With 1 (or maybe 500) plays of "Roar" and "Darkhorse", we were a VonTrap family miracle on our car trips to fast food. I'm 100% convinced that Katy would want us on stage with her. We have hand motions. 

After a week, we broke through. We officially took her to our temporary residence to live with us permanently. We spent another week in Durban and on February 27th, she officially became ours according to the courts of South Africa. It was...perfect. 

We headed to Cape Town the day after, where we will be for the next several weeks. Here we will be doing her US Immigration Medical Exams, applying for her Visa and Passport, and rounding up all loose ends to get us to our exit interview in Johannesburg (hopefully by the end of March). 

Erik will leave on March 12th to head back home and back to work. (I may have had a complete emotional breakdown today about being a single parent for 2/3 weeks. I mean, maybe.)

Our time has been sweet. The girl is a riot. A firecracker. I think she wants to be Katy Perry (perhaps Juicy J, we aren't sure). But, she has brought some serious life to this family. She is strong, beautiful, and will definitely change the world. We know it. 

We are proud parents of our sweet daughter, Nosipho (No-See-Po) Ruth Anderson, and would not/could not wish for something different. 

We will try to update you all more than we have, but for now, prayers prayers prayers abundant for bonding, paperwork, the African process, and each steps forward as we learn to parent, love, and grow as a family! 

And, if anyone didn't get tickets to the Katy Perry concert, you are welcome to come over to our home when we are back. Free show. 

Up Up and Away!

Seriously. We can't believe that this day is here.

2 weeks ago, we woke up to a whirlwind of news, emotions, planning, and a lot of crying. Today/yesterday (I don't really know what day it is), we are sitting in the Paris International Airport, eating macaroons (I stress eat), waiting to board a flight that is going to literally change our lives forever.

I'm not a big cryer by nature. I actually have had to pinch myself to cry at times when I'm next to Erik who is a tender-hearted little soul. He makes me look bad. But, my eyes seem to have taken on the characteristics of a leaky faucet...on crack. They don't stop. I'm a disaster. We both are.

I don't really have a lot of words that I can say to let people know how we are feeling. I suppose if you have been there, you know. Excitement, fear, joy, anticipation, anxiety...I don't even know. I'm like a junior high girl's mood ring.

Either way, we wouldn't and couldn't be in this spot without a lot of you! Your prayers, encouragements, support, bags of donated clothes, toys, and cheetos...the list goes on. It is a joy and privilege to be able to share all of this with you. A total joy!

And holy cow. We can't wait to meet our sweet girl. And we can't wait for that first post we get to make introducing our daughter into your lives!

God is amazing. You guys are pretty rockin' too.

So here we go.

Let the Adventures of Noi begin!

Here We Come!

I have actually been writing out this blog post in my head for months.

It was going to be super elegant and quite epic, mixed with the slightest hint of humor (just for the people who prefer to awkwardly laugh in emotional situations).

All that went out the window. Real fast.
Instead, We are just a blubbering, hysterical mess. I can't even post a picture because we both look like someone who just watched Bambi 5 times in a row and then chugged 12 Monster Energy Drinks.

Please take a moment to picture this. That is us.

We woke up this morning to a phone call. THE phone call. And these 5 words...

YOU GOT YOUR COURT DATE!!!!!!

Exactly one year ago, we sat in a meeting with the face of our little girl on a piece of paper in front of us and said yes.
We said yes to the scariest thing we have ever decided in our lives. We said yes to something we knew nothing about. We said yes to God's plan for our family even though it didn't look anything like what we thought.

And holy cow. I'm so glad we said yes.

In the great words of Macauly Culkin, "This is it. Don't get scared now."

For something that we have been preparing for directly and indirectly for 3 years, we have never felt so excited, unprepared, anxious, elated, and ready.

Our court date is February 27th, which means we will be leaving in the next few weeks to get out to South Africa, meet our girl, and spend some bonding time with her before we head to court to make it all official!

Surreal.

After things calmed down a bit this morning (aka we could actually start to see again through our complete mess of tears) we actually took the time to look at our Facebooks and phones. This is how cool God is...

Three separate people had emailed us/messaged us saying that we had been on their minds last night and this morning and that they were praying for movement. Praying for amazing things.

God is fighting for us. God is fighting for our girl. And so are all of you.

None of this has been done in our own power and it will continue to not be done in our own strength. For each of those prayers, each of those encouragements, and each of those moments that you have taken to lift us up...we can not thank you enough.

The road is not over yet and I know we will continue to need TONS of prayers as we travel and become a family. And probably even more as we navigate becoming parents (Holy Crap. Let's cross that bridge when we get to it.)

But today....today is a long awaited day of praises. Like crazy dancing like a mad woman and singing at the top of your lungs praises.

Just do it. You know you want to. Because...

Sweet girl, here we come.

The Injured Reserve

This thing is going a lot different than I thought.

This is all I kept hearing while Erik was watching a video in our living room last night.

I immediately was quick to tell him that I obviously did not like that man who was talking on the video. I think my exact words were "Well, that is stupid." (Watch the video and you will clearly see that what he says is amazing and not stupid in any way. I was in denial.)

This thing is going a lot different than I thought. We are on the injured reserve list right now. Benched for the time being. As far as we know, we won't be called into the game anytime soon. At least not until after Christmas.

This thing is going a lot different than I thought, but God is still faithful.

I never thought an NFL Quarterback could bring me a big dose of perspective on our adoption. I was wrong.

A No News Update

Whoever came up with the phrase "No news is good news" obviously never adopted.

Frankly, I want to punch that person in the face. A little abrasive?

But, because we have had a lot of people asking us what is going on, I figured I'd give you an update. A "No News" update.

So what is going on? Here is the 411.

Last time we updated you all, we told you about the date debacle on some of our documents. The issue was resolved (much more quickly than anticipated, which was a huge praise) but then the government decided that they couldn't make civil decisions and shut down. Well played, guys.

When we first arrived in Minnesota in August, we had to get new fingerprints for our Home Study update. Since I literally think that most criminals haven't been fingerprinted as much as we have, we skipped on down to the police station like pros to repeat this process for the 4th time. They said it would take 2-3 weeks.
As of 2 weeks ago, we still hadn't passed our background check. (insert California being a little slow on the uptake and the Federal government being, well, preschoolers.)

As for our referral and court dates, basically, we have to pass a second stage of immigration here in the US, then that approval has to be sent to South Africa, they have to approve our approval and grant us a court date all before mid November so that we can be out of South Africa by mid December before the courts close for the season.
However, we couldn't file for immigration until our Home Study update was complete which needed the fingerprints that still hadn't been approved.
See how confusing this is? If I didn't believe that God was the greatest puzzle master in the world, I think I would just have given up.

So, our agency decided that we were going to basically throw out procedures and just start the ball rolling on everything even though the very first puzzle piece wasn't in place. That is what I'm talkin' about! Rebels!
We applied for immigration without our completed Home Study update, then finally heard back about our fingerprints and finished the update. I was able to talk to our Immigration Officer and explain our situation and (Praise the Lord!) she is great! As of right now, things are pretty much dependent on her to push through our case and get our I800 approval done more quickly than usual.

That is so much information.

I sometimes forget that it all makes so much more sense when you have been looking at all the paperwork for the last year. Sorry? #notsosorry

So where does that leave us?
Well it leaves us completely vulnerable and completely out of control.
If you haven't learned anything about me yet, these are 2 things that make me kick and scream and throw things.

Best case scenario, our USCIS officer pushes through our I800 application and South Africa grants us a quick court date and we leave in the next month. That is like..."winning all the gold medals in the Olympics in every sport" best case scenario.

Worst case scenario, everything gets put on hold until after the new year and we wait. Again.

I'm for the gold medals, personally.

As we said in our last post, we are praying for things that don't make sense. Praying that the greatest puzzle master of all time is going to blow our minds by putting together all the pieces in the craziest way possible and get us to South Africa before Christmas so that we can finally bring our little girl home.

But we are also praying for patience and peace, trusting that God's timing (although in the thick of it doesn't always make sense) is better than ours.

So until there is news...we will be on our knees praying.

Nothing I Hold On To

I was woken up this morning by a hot cup of coffee on my bed stand  from my husband. Coffee and then really loud worship music in the bathroom while he showered.

Don't get me wrong, I love worship music. And worshipping. Just not before my coffee. (That is probably a stronghold worth working on.)

"I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven."

Boooooo. I like my coffee. I like my own understanding. Control issues much?

"I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven."

We get it, Will Reagan, you don't have to repeat yourself a billion times. What is the point of that anyway?

"I give it all to you, God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me."

Whoa. 

"I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. There's nothing I hold on to."

Clearly, God doesn't care if I haven't had my morning coffee yet to start a conversation with me. 

I'm clearly moody about it. But, I'm listening. 

Maybe just with one ear. 

There's nothing I hold on to.

In my life, especially with our adoption, I sometimes find myself in too deep. My thoughts, my words, my actions, my world...I cling so tightly. 

Recently, it has been even worse, wondering if we are going to get through to court before December, knowing that if we don't have a court date for November, we will be waiting until after the new year to bring our girl home. We are pushing through paperwork, talking with immigration, mass communicating with social workers, praying for governments to play nice, compiling our travel expenses knowing that if this all goes through we might have just a few days notice to hop on a plane and go. 

"I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. There's nothing I hold on to."

And then there is that. How do you even climb a mountain with no hands! That doesn't even make sense. 

I suppose that is the point.
Got it, God.

We are praying for things that don't make sense. That seem impossible. That can't happen.

Nothing I hold on to. 

This is our prayer and we ask that it be yours for us as well. With prayers of court dates, paperwork, miracles, our daughter...

We ask for prayers to climb this mountain with our hands wide open. To rest in the hands of the maker. That we would be made beautiful through this process and His glory would be made known. 

Nothing I hold on to.

Nothing we hold on to.

Hurdles and Skinned Hands

Have you ever been so excited about something that you awkwardly tripped, flung yourself forward, hit the pavement, and felt the searing pain of the palms of your hands scraping across the gravel?

You know, the pain that doesn't show up in the form of cool battle wounds or scars but burns to the depth of your being for like 5 days straight?

I'd like to say that these incidents were isolated only to my growing years of childhood, but seeing as I am quite clumsy...this is a normal occurrence.

It hurts. A lot.

And although a meager metaphor for our lives right now, it was the only thing I could think of during this last week as we have journeyed through our referral acceptance.

There is nothing quite like receiving your referral for the first time. Feeling the joy, anticipation, nervousness, fear, and hope all wrapped into 20 pieces of paper that probably meant nothing to anyone for a long time.

Seeing pictures. Hearing her story.

Beautiful.

We got so wrapped up in the joy and excitement that 1 week later, as we took a closer look, we realized that there was a major date discrepancy in our daughter's paperwork.

All of the official referral and government paperwork had one date as her birthday and her birth certificate had another. It went through 2 agencies and 2 governments and we were the ones to discover it. (Insert my poor attitude here).

As we have been in communication with our agency, we found out today that the date has to be changed on all the paperwork including the government form. The amount of time this will take is unknown.

We have been promised speediness, but as we have learned quickly, that doesn't mean a whole lot.

Vulnerable moment: I feel like I have skinned hands all over. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. And I'm still laying on the ground rolling back and forth wondering what happened.

Erik asked me this morning if I knew God was good. "Yes. I know God is good." "Then let's cling to that," he said. (He makes my flailing, out of control, banged up being look slightly pathetic.)

We are clinging. We are. It is just so hard sometimes with skinned hands.

The Start Of It All...well...kind of.

Oh hey.

Long time no talk.
That's my bad. Don't worry...you haven't missed...much?

The long and short of it is this...

In the end of July we got our South African Central Authority approval to go forward with our adoption.

1 very short week later, we packed up a Uhaul and trucked halfway across the country to Minnesota to start a new chapter in life.

One even shorter week after that we arrived in St. Paul, moved into our new house, had a Home Study update, Erik started his new job as a High School Youth Pastor and we waited for our official referral. 

One very LONG month after that....

We received a phone call. And an email. Today.

You better believe it. 

WE GOT OUR REFERRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are just a little excited. Just a little. 

Crazy ride in, eh?

More to come soon! I promise I won't make you wait another month to update you! But for now...

HOLY COW!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!

APPROVED!

Um. Yeah. No big deal. 

Just received a phone call that our case in South Africa was approved by the Central Authorities to adopt our sweet girl! 

We should be expecting our official referral somewhere on the road between California and Minnesota. (That is about 10-14 days for those of you who aren't mapping our travels!)

We are elated. Even in the midst of chaos, great news is great news.

Praise God. 

It Cost's What?!?!

I had the great opportunity to write a quest blog post for Give1Save1 this week! Check it out on all the ins and outs of Adoption Costs and how to do it wisely! :)

Here is the link:
It Cost's What!?!?! Debt Free Adoption

I’ve been surprised at the amount of conversations I’ve had with people who say things like, “We would love to adopt but we just don’t have that kind of money.”

Apparently, you don’t know me. Up until I was 24, I thought credit cards were made for my own personal enjoyment and when I figured out that you actually had to pay that money back, I married a youth pastor.

Here is a little insight: No one has “that kind of money”.

Well, someone does.

Bill Gates.

But if you aren’t Bill Gates, or someone in that money zipcode, you don’t typically just have $30-40,000 lying around for a rainy day.

The cost of adoption is ridiculous. This is not a myth.

The bigger tragedy, however, are children living without families because adoption is expensive.

The truth of the matter is…

IF YOU HAVE THE HEART TO ADOPT THEN YOU CAN ADOPT!

I am taking huge liberties here, but I would say one of the top reasons why people don’t adopt (even if they feel called to) is because of the money issue.

When Erik and I started our adoption process, with our net worth being somewhere far in the negative thousands territory, we were 3 months into a David Ramsey money makeover. There was a part in the book that we were reading that said something along the lines of this…

“Nowhere in the Bible does God call us into a purpose and use debt as a means to accomplish it.”

And so, since we were committed to our new lifestyle changes, we made a promise.

ADOPT WITHOUT DEBT.

After 1 ½ years,  $42,000, and part-way through 2 different adoptions, we have remained debt-free from our adoption process. Did you hear that?

Debt free.

And let me tell you now, this is NOT a reflection of our awesome money-saving, penny-pinching abilities. We walked into adoption with $42 in our bank account. This has been through a lot of hard work, a lot of supportive people, a lot of great resources, and a lot of prayer.

So, is this even possible? Just because we are doing it, can you? YES!!!

Here are a few of the biggest things that have helped us along the way, that I thought I’d pass on to anyone out there who, like myself, worries, frets, or looses sleep over adoption costs.

1. Get Committed!

No, not psych ward committed. (Although there are days where I feel that is a valid option). Make the commitment with your partner or support network that you are going to go forward debt-free. These days, there are a lot of options out there like Adoption Loans or Credit Card deals that make that “safe” option appealing. And sometimes, it is necessary. But, if you can commit to it from the beginning, having that accountability is clutch when you get those phone calls that tell you that you have an unknown $7,000 adoption bill that needs to be paid in 4 weeks.

2. Get the book “Adopt Without Debt” by Julie Gumm

After our “commitment”, a great friend of mine suggested this book to me. And it is AMAZING!! It kind of makes you feel like you can take over the world, which you sometimes need to feel when you are walking through the adoption process. She has TONS of great resources and ideas for fundraisers, grants, and resources. It took me all of like 1 hour to read (which is saying a lot). It is well worth the $12 on Amazon.

3. Get Connected!

Probably the #1 greatest thing that you can do during your adoption process is to get connected. Connect with other adoptive families, your friends and family, your church body, your yoga class, whoever! It is totally your family’s discretion as to how much you choose to share or not share about your adoption. Some people are willing to be far more open than others, and that is fine. But start off knowing that you can’t do it alone. And you shouldn’t do it alone. Adoption is a hard journey and the more people you allow into your journey, the more arms and hands you have to hold you up when you are miles down the road and exhausted!

We have found one of the most effective ways to do this is through our blog. It has been an incredible resource not just for us to connect with others, but for others to join our journey! If you aren’t “tech-savy”, ask someone who is to get you set up. That is the hardest part.

But really…just yesterday I asked Erik how to search for directions on Googlemaps. So, if I can, you can.

If you don’t feel like that is your family’s cup-o-tea, set up a group email and keep your friends and family updated. It is surprising how many people really DO want to know how the process is going! And if your family is anything like mine, not updating them will just beckon multiple phone calls on the daily.

4. Get Creative!

There are probably a billion and one things that you can do to raise money for your adoption. The book I mentioned earlier is a great tool for that. But sometimes, you have to be willing to think outside of the box to bring attention to those things. We have done several handfuls of fundraisers and found that making videos to grab people’s attention has been one of the biggest tools in helping us raise money! Peeps LOVE their media, and as soon as we started making small video updates, people started sharing, new people joined the cause, and fundraising became even more fun and more successful!

5. Get to Workin!

Fundraising and Debt-Free adoption is hard work. It doesn’t come just by sitting around clickin’ buttons. I have taken on several freelance jobs, as well as started up an entire photography business to help support our adoption. We don’t expect to sit around and just wait for people to pour out money on us or “make it rain” as the young folks would say. But I have found that even in my extra jobs, people have supported above and beyond what they have needed to give. They want to get behind us and help us bring our children home. So even just talking about our adoption on a photo shoot or when I’m working with clients has opened up the doors to new and more business.

I realize that not everyone has time for extra jobs. But you can always make it work around what you can and can’t do (i.e. offering to watch somone’s kids a couple times a week for pay if you are a stay-at-home-mom, doing yard work for your neighbors on weekends if you work during the week, helping someone set up a blog if you are a tech-kind-person). Basically think, “How would I make money if I was in high school again?” Even those little amounts of extra cash are useful for Homestudy doctor’s appointments or fingerprints!

6. Get Granted!

Grants are amazing! We’ve have be awarded grants with several places – anywhere from $500-$5,000. There are a ton of great Grants that can be applied for (Show Hope, Abba Fund, God’s Grace, Lifesong, etc.) and all it takes is a little bit of time and a stamped envelope. Most Grant applications ask the same questions, so you can even cut down on time by typing out your answers and recycling them through each application. We made a date night out of it one evening and powered through a few applications. It was basically like a 2 for 1 deal! Nothing more romantic than a glass of wine and an essay about your desire to adopt.

7. Get to Prayin’.

The whole adoption journey is really a big faith journey. I whole-heartedly believe that adoption is biblical and a reflection of the heart of God. Invite Him to be at the center of your journey and keep Him at the front of everything you do. So even when it is really hard, we’ve stopped looking at the dollar sign in front of us and started focusing of Christ before us. He is basically like the most hardcore warrior ever and I’ve come to learn quickly that He doesn’t loose. Keeping every part of this journey covered in prayer keeps your perspective in the right place.

Ok. Wow. That is so much info.

But here is the deal. I’ve learned to take a giant dose of humility when it comes to adoption.

1.     It’s about more than just me. It is about an orphaned child becoming a part of a family.

2.     I can’t do it alone. We’ve had to depend of more people than I probably would have ever thought or hoped to.

3.     You have to ask for help. (That is a hard one for me.)

4.     God is in control. (Even harder for me…I’m a huge control freak.)

Someone asked Erik one time if we ever get tired of asking for money. (Quite a bold question if you ask me.) He is kind of a rockstar and responded with this…

“If your child was half-way across the world and you were trying to get them home, wouldn’t you do whatever it takes?”

Will you?

So if you, or anyone you know, have ever been scared off by the dollar signs or multiple zeros tossed around in the adoption conversation, know this…

It is more than possible. It is necessary.

Take it from a commoner. 

Give1Save1 South Africa Day 2!!

It is a miracle that I am even able to see as I type, considering we were both in tears all day yesterday with the RIDICULOUS outpouring of love and support that we were shown in just 24 hours!

Seriously people. Like for real.

It is funny how I doubt and worry and get anxious so much when God continually shows His blessing in ways FAR bigger than I can even imagine.

If God had a Twitter, he would "#BOOM" all the time.

So we are on to Day 2 of Give1Save1 and have no idea what to expect because clearly God is in the business of doing that.

Here is a little recap from of our thoughts yesterday!

We love you guys so much!! Thank you!!!

Now lets go dominate Day 2!!!

Drum Roll.....brrrrrrrrrrruuuuuummmmmmm...

I know how much you guys all hate the suspense we leave you in on a fairly good basis...
But, would you have it any other way?!

So for those of you who saw our post on Instagram/Facebook yesterday, you know we have some big news! And big news indeed!!!

We would like to announce that this week...

WE HAVE BEEN CHOSEN AS THE GIVE1SAVE1 FAMILY FOR OUR SOUTH AFRICA ADOPTION!!!!

What?!??!

This is a HUGE deal!!!!!

As many of you know, in January, we started a second adoption of a precious girl on the waiting child list at our agency. She is 6, amazing, and beautiful!

Because she is a waiting child, this whole process has gone really fast and everyone working on making this adoption happen is working hard to bring her home to us. And we can't wait. Like, literally, can't wait!

Last week, we were notified of some fees that we were unaware of that need to be paid to keep our adoption going forward (somewhat crushing but not destroying news, if you know what I mean).
When all you want to do is bring home your daughter, these kinds of things can be heart-wrenching. I sat in bathroom at church crying for a solid 20 mins before I made Erik take me home.
It was messy.
Real messy.

But God is so good and we have realized that through struggle and trials, and stolen cars (which did indeed happen the day after this news), God teaches us dependance, strength, and reliance upon him and His people to bless and care for us.
And that is exactly what has happened.

People stepping up to the plate to care for HIS people.

So now, we are asking that you partner with us this week as we pray hard, work hard, and rock the socks off of this adoption by getting those fees paid and bringing our girl home!

If you are new to Give1Save1 or not new at all, we will still give you a bit of instruction as to what you can do!

1. All you have to do is click on the link below, or RIGHT HERE or THIS PLACE or YES RIGHT HERE and watch our video to hear our story!

2. Then click on the "PureCharity Button" on the side of the Give1Save1 Blog to donate $1 or more to support our adoption journey! (This is new for those of you who donated last time to make sure that all of our money goes directly to our agency and IS TAX-DEDUCTIBLE and super secure! You will just need to make an account! WOO!)

3. Spread the Love!!! This works totally based on your generosity not just to give but to share! So post it, tweet it, instagram it, do whatever you have to do to spread the news and get people on board!

We are $7,000 away from bringing our girl home!! So thank you in advance for your love and support and walking with us for not just this week, but for so many (past and future), and making it possible to hopefully bring our sweet girl home soon!

Let's do this!

A Battle Cry.

Funny story. 

I prayed for my spiritual armor today. 

It was a joke, God. I didn't really mean that I wanted to go into battle!!

But the battlefield is exactly where I am standing right now.

Without going into much detail yet, the Anderson's have had a hard 24 hours. A lot to handle in a short span of time. Yesterday, I told Erik to bring me home and I ate a lot of ice cream. 

Some adoption stuff, some life stuff, some "car stolen in the middle of the night" stuff.

But between those heavy double breath cries and some spoonfuls of sugar, I was reminded of a friend's blog way back from last year. And a quote that she posted that made me smile at the time. 

I may not be smiling today, but I'm battle crying. 

And as ugly as it may be, I am finding more strength than I could ever imagine to fight in a battle that I prayed to be prepared for. 

Bring it. 

You Are Loved.

I always find it difficult to start a blog post when you are already speechless to begin with.

It's kind of an oxymoron, falling into the same category as Jumbo Shrimp, Bitter Sweet, Artificial Grass...

Speechless Blogpost?

In January, Erik and I were brainstorming fundraising options for our (at the time) one adoption from Ethiopia. We desired a way to fundraise by bringing all the people we love together and worshipping God and sharing our story all at the same time.

Insert For All Seasons.

As an incredible worship band leading music for our students at Winter Camp, turned overnight incredible and dear friends...we approached them with our crazy idea.

How about a Worship Adoption Benefit Night?

It took like 1.3 seconds to receive an enthusiastic "YES!" and an even shorter amount of time for Erik and the drummer to start embracing like long-lost war mates.

And so was the birth of the "You Are Loved" Adoption Benefit Night.

The one that happened last night.

The one that blew our expectations of God out of the water.

The one that reflected the beauty of the hearts of so many people.

The one that continued to confirm God's hand and plan at work.

The one that screamed, "YOU ARE LOVED!"

For All Seasons led worship in a way that invited the Spirit to fill the sanctuary and fill our bodies and hearts in powerful ways...
we had incredible help with sound and media - like the kind that made everything look and sound like you were in a different element of life...
girls made delicious cupcakes to celebrate and bless others with afterwards...
friends helped in taking the offering and donations being handed in...
more friends helped to set up/take down/prepare...
girls helped with childcare so parents could be a part of the worship time...
one of our amazing high school students, Danielle, shared her own story of adoption and how it has shaped her family...

I mean. It was U.N.B.E.L.I.E.V.A.B.L.E.

Wouldn't you be left speechless?

Last night, Erik and I found ourselves in tears. Completely overwhelmed by the love and support. Completely moved by how God goes so far beyond what you expect, even when you have seen Him exceed expectations before.

Because of willing, loving, supporting hearts, we are one step closer to bringing our daughter home.

Actually....

$3, 079 closer to bringing our daughter home.

Right??!?!

And it is thanks to all of you.

So, in one of the speechless, blubbery, messy kind of ways...

Thank you. Thank you from the depths of our hearts. Thank you for being a part of our story. Our daughter's story.

Thank you.

(If you weren't able to make the evening...here is a little glimpse of our more recent story that we shared last night). 

Backpacks, Jump Rope, and an Older Child Adoption

Diapers and rocking chairs.

That is where we were at.
There are days where I am still there.
That is...until I find myself wandering through the toy aisles at Target wondering if our daughter is able to jump rope or if she will like a Disney Princess backpack or lean more toward the mini-hipster owl style.

Oh yes. That is because she is 6 years old. Not 10 months old.

We have had to do some serious mentality shifting since January. It is almost like when you spend weeks and weeks preparing for a big test and then sit down, fully prepared and slightly puffed up at your lack of procrastination, to find that not one of the things you studied is actually on the test.

(If you haven't ever experienced that, then you are just far too smart for your own good and/or just a huge slacker that never studied.)

When we decided in January to pursue another adoption, we not only said yes to a beautiful 6 year old girl on a Waiting Child List, but we said yes to throwing out everything we THOUGHT we knew about preparing to be adoptive parents.

When you've spent 13 months preparing, reading, training, and learning specifically for something and then it all changes...
It rattles the cages a bit.

We've all of sudden stopped thinking about how to make a bottle and what crib to buy and started looking at how to register for elementary school and how to communicate through a language barrier.

I mean HELLO?!? Steven Spielberg would have a hay-day with a plot twist like this! (I may be taking some liberties with that one, but hey, I'm a big dreamer.)

So, how do you do Older Child Adoptions?

I have no idea.

But luckily, there are a lot of really wonderful people out there that have been brave enough to say yes to a child that is waiting for a family. A child who has already experienced a decent amount of life in their own country, speaking their own language, learning their own traditions and ways of living.

And we get to learn from their successes and their failures. For that, I am so grateful.

So as we read, learn, train, talk, and prepare as much as possible for yet another crazy and amazing adventure, here are a few thoughts I have to a lot of questions I have...


Why an Older Child? 

We never in a million years thought that we would start out parenthood with a 6 year old. That goes against every single understanding of the family order that I have ever known.
But, that is just it...that is all I have only ever known.
That doesn't mean that it is the only right way.

We had this awesome moment in our marriage (the kind that would have included fireworks and a soundtrack had this been that Spielberg movie I was referring to earlier) where we saw this little girl, saw her sweet joyful face, and knew in our hearts that we couldn't say no.

If we say no, and the next person says no, and the next person says no, and so on....
Then who will ever say yes?

And isn't that what we set out to do in the first place? Say yes to God's TOTALLY RIDICULOUS plan for our lives through adoption?

We realize that an Older Child Adoption is not for every family. But, was it not for us just because we don't have kids and are generally "young" by comparison? Just because it may somewhere down the line throw off the birth order of the children in our family? Because we are 29/30 and we have no idea what to do with a 6 year old?

Those just didn't seem like good enough reasons for us. Not good enough to say no to an orphan who needs a family.


What about all of the "challenges" that come with adopting an Older Child?

We may be young, but we are not naive. (Well...for the most part.) We know that this adoption won't be all roses and fluffy bunnies...which would be weird anyway.

There ARE challenges that come with Older Child adoptions like a greater sense of loss, difficulty in attachment, development, language barriers...the list goes on. We will most likely have to face many of these situations and pray for a lot of patience, a lot of grace, and giant dose of humility.

We have a lot to learn. A LOT. And not just from books and conversations. I'm pretty sure a lot of this learning will come once we are actually face to face with our little girl, growing and learning how to be a family together.

But, what family doesn't have challenges? A biological family may have different challenges than an adoptive family, but that doesn't make it any more or less challenging, does it?

A dear friend of mine, who adopted an older child several years ago, said to me over a perfectly brewed cup of coffee, "Jessa, you guys will indeed face challenges as parents. I face challenges every day, some with my biological children and some with my adopted one. But at the end of the day, they are all my children and I wouldn't want it any other way."


Are you scared?

Freaking terrified.

So if anyone reading this has been here, lived through it, and wants to share some important "know-hows"...bring it!

There are days where I feel like I am going to be the worst mom ever. I'm selfish, impatient, quick to anger, even quicker to talk, prideful, and protective of my "own" time.

I sometimes think that I am an even worse "adoptive" mom because I'm not reading enough materials, taking enough online webinars on parenting older children, writing eloquently and frequently on my blog, supporting 150 causes, or starting an orphan care ministry in my town.

God is pretty cool like this though. He doesn't judge me on my Amazon shopping cart book list. He doesn't even give me an eyebrow raise when I spend an afternoon catching up on missed episodes of Nashville instead of blogging about adoption.
He has a really gentle way of reminding me that I am not perfect. Never will be. Don't have to be.

Because He was for me.

And there is something strangely relieving about knowing that I'm going to try my guts out in adopting an older child, being a parent, loving a daughter, passionately pursuing my husband...and probably failing a lot.

And it is okay.

I pray every day that we will be the best parents that we can be and that we won't completely screw up our children. But before I pray any of those prayers, I pray that our daughter and our child that is maybe waiting for us in Ethiopia right now, will ALWAYS know how deeply loved they are by our God.
And that they will know that far before any of our mistakes, missteps, or "learning curves" that we throw at them as parents.



Like I said before...
I know Older Child Adoption is not for everyone.
But it is totally for us.

Even if fall flat on our face while re-learning jump rope.

Updates and Lysol Wipes

I am officially kind of emerging from my flu-ridden world.
That is, if "kind of" means still in my pajamas, on the couch, under a blanket, but sitting up as opposed to laying down and/or passed out.
That is a good step in the right direction if you ask me!

So instead of entertaining myself by lysol wiping absolutely EVERYTHING in our home, I decided that my first task would be to spend some time giving all of you a much needed and much belated update on everything that is going on in our adoption world.

If you have been following our crazy lives, then you know some crazy stuff is happening...and happening fast. So, we thought that we would address some of the major questions that we've been asked in the past few weeks.

So hold on to your hats people...here we go!

YOU ARE ADOPTING AGAIN?! WHA?!?! MORE INFO PLEASE?!?!

Yes. Yes we are indeed! At the beginning of January, we felt God tugging on our hearts to do more than just sit around and wait for a referral from Ethiopia. But we had NO idea what that entailed! As we prayed, talked, and looked at information, we both discovered that our hearts were in the same place.

Adopting an older child.

Eek! That is so not how you are supposed to start a family, right?! I mean...at least not for your first kid! Maybe down the road when you are older, huh?! (this is just a sample of part of my early thought process...)

Since the beginning of our adoption process, I had seen a little girl on our agencies site that was older. I was constantly drawn back to her beautiful face, but never really thought anything of it. When Erik and I both realized that we were being called in that direction, she was my instant thought. She grabbed both of our hearts in a moment and there was no question but to pursue her and bring her home to be a part of our family.

SO HOW OLD IS SHE, WHERE IS SHE FROM, WHAT IS HER NAME?


She is 5 but will be 6 by the time we bring her home from South Africa!
And we could not be more thrilled!

The moment that we made our official decision, Erik was basically 6 steps out the door to buy her a backpack and nail polish.

Yup. He's gonna be a great dad.

She does also have a name however we are not able to share on our blog at this time. We will tell you that it is a beautiful, South African, perfect name.

And seriously, what doesn't go well with "Anderson"? Maybe "Shmamberson"? But come on...

WHEN DO YOU GET TO BRING HER HOME?

We don't have any official timeline right now, but our hopes are that we will be able to travel to South Africa this summer sometime to bring her home.
It is all pretty dependent on how quickly we can get our paperwork done!
Yes...that is right....
ALL OVER AGAIN.

We are currently updating our home study and working on putting together a new Dossier for South Africa (which is a BEHEMOTH if you don't recall from this post).

But...
Worth every second.

So here are three cheers to Notaries, State Seals, and Immigration!

WHAT ABOUT YOUR ADOPTION FROM ETHIOPIA?

We are still VERY much adopting from Ethiopia and still feel like that is where God has pulled our hearts to as well.
Our timeline with that adoption has not and will not change because of our pursuing a second adoption. Ethiopia allows families to do concurrent adoptions and with the wait time that we were given (24-29 months) for a referral, our Ethiopian adoption could still take a while.

God certainly has huge plans that we could never in a million years have fathomed. But when you are willing to take a risk, jump in head first, and bet the farm on God...
He usually shows up with something unbelievable, undeniable, and absolutely unexpectedly perfect.

So our hearts eagerly await bringing home our child from Ethiopia who will join us and a wonderful sister.

HOW CAN WE BE HELPING/WHAT CAN WE DO?

We continue daily to be overwhelmed with people who say they are praying for us or people who just want to check in to see how things are going. It is unbelievable and so encouraging!

This may come as a shock, but we LOVE to talk about adoption!

So keep asking questions and keep praying!

As you all know, this process is NUTS...like roller coaster nuts. There are a lot of ups and downs, curves and corkscrews, and sometimes unexpected bumps.

We won't always have all the answers but we will always be as open with you as we can be!

As far as prayer goes, here are a few specific things that you can be praying for:

1. Pray for our daughter. She is a beautiful, joyful, and spirited young girl who is waiting for a family. Please pray for her safety, health, and her spirit as God prepares her and us to become a family. This transition will not be easy but it will be beautiful. 

2. Please pray for the process to move swiftly - paperwork, notaries, authentifications, home-study updates, and verifications. The faster the paperwork is approved, the faster we get to bring home our daughter. 

3. Finances! By saying yes, we have taken on two adoptions at one time. The cost of 1 adoption is about $32,000, so we are now looking at a cost of around $64,000 to bring home our children. God has been SOOOOOOOOOOO faithful and we have been so supported and loved throughout this process already by so many people. We've been working extra hard, taking on new jobs, and saving like crazy. Specifically, though, this adoption process from South Africa is going to move significantly faster, therefore requiring us to have to pay for it much more quickly. Please be praying that the amount of money that we need at each step will be available and that we can trust God fully to provide as we walk forward! 

4. Please pray for Erik and I as we walk through this process. That our hearts would remain steadfast, our eyes would remained focused on the Lord, and that we would continue to fall more in love with each other as we build our family. 

I often say that I don't know how people could even dream of going through the adoption process alone.

We don't even have words to describe the amount of love and support we have been show and how many people have wrapped their arms around us and carried us through this journey. 

We are so excited to share this next piece with you all and can't wait to introduce you all (hopefully soon) to our precious daughter! 

So for now...

That is the latest Anderson Way of Life Update. 

Signing off.

(I'm such a nerd.)