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Home.

We made it. It may have been a little over a week ago and it may be that I have been too tired to even think about posting on our blog...

But we made it. By the grace of God, we traveled over 9,000 miles, 23 hours, and 3 viewings of Frozen on the airplane to arrive back in Minnesota and into the arms of the people we love.

We have so much to be thankful for. We are figuring out this new life one step at a time, but praising God for His unending mercies, faithfulness, and grace.

Learning each day how to live and breath into our new role as parents.

There is a lot to write about, a lot to discover, and a lot of really hilarious things that (as parents) we probably shouldn't be laughing at. (We will be reporting all these missteps and adventures as soon as we have one solid night of uninterrupted sleep).

For now, here is a little glimpse into one of the most precious moments of our lives.

Thank you to all who have been praying, supporting, journeying through this adventure with us. We know that the hard part is just now starting, but are so thankful for the love we have been shown.

It is good to be home.

Up Up and Away!

Seriously. We can't believe that this day is here.

2 weeks ago, we woke up to a whirlwind of news, emotions, planning, and a lot of crying. Today/yesterday (I don't really know what day it is), we are sitting in the Paris International Airport, eating macaroons (I stress eat), waiting to board a flight that is going to literally change our lives forever.

I'm not a big cryer by nature. I actually have had to pinch myself to cry at times when I'm next to Erik who is a tender-hearted little soul. He makes me look bad. But, my eyes seem to have taken on the characteristics of a leaky faucet...on crack. They don't stop. I'm a disaster. We both are.

I don't really have a lot of words that I can say to let people know how we are feeling. I suppose if you have been there, you know. Excitement, fear, joy, anticipation, anxiety...I don't even know. I'm like a junior high girl's mood ring.

Either way, we wouldn't and couldn't be in this spot without a lot of you! Your prayers, encouragements, support, bags of donated clothes, toys, and cheetos...the list goes on. It is a joy and privilege to be able to share all of this with you. A total joy!

And holy cow. We can't wait to meet our sweet girl. And we can't wait for that first post we get to make introducing our daughter into your lives!

God is amazing. You guys are pretty rockin' too.

So here we go.

Let the Adventures of Noi begin!

Hello 30, Goodbye '13.

Sometimes you need to walk away. Just walk away.
Like when you are trying to hang that weird plastic stuff on your windows because it is supposed to help you keep your house warm and the plastic keeps clinging to you.
Or when you are trying to beat your husband's high score on the phone game "Dots" and have officially cramped your fingers into a permanent "index pointing" position only to realize your score is so low that it doesn't even make the board.
Or when you are trying to get the "perfect" sock bun that everyone says is so easy to do, yet somehow you are the only person in the world who's hair thinks it would look better as a 80's rock star sunburst.

Or when something becomes so overbearing and looming that the pressure makes your heart want to sink faster and more traumatically than the Titanic.

I know that writing is a form of therapy for many. It is a form of therapy for me. At times.

But there was a time that I needed to walk away. When the thought of writing yet another post about our continually postponed adoption made me feel like I was wrapped up in clinging plastic and stuck with my fingers in "index pointing" position. (Awkward picture, eh?)

So, in true form to how I do most anything that I am overwhelmed with...
I walked away.
Unannounced.
I didn't write, I didn't call, I didn't text...I kind of just shut down.
It is clearly not ideal and often quite hurtful to people that I am close with but who really wants to hang out with a girl with crazy hair wrapped up like a plastic mummy? Exactly.

In my time away, I turned 30. Which obviously made me much wiser and sound of mind. I had some time to reflect on this past year and all of the really incredible things that I DIDN'T write about. Yup. Thats right. Good things actually happened! I was just too consumed with our adoption to recognize it.

I realized that although our journey has been crazy and amazing and tons of people have wrapped their arms around us in support, prayer, and love...it is not the only thing going on in my life. And when I let it get to that...I felt smothered. I felt trapped. I felt exhausted.

Just like those people that ONLY EVER talk about their kids. We were ONLY EVER talking about our adoption. And we don't even have a kid yet! Yikes. Not cool, Andersons. Not cool.

So, now that we are both thirty, flirty, and thriving-ish? and clearly WAAAY wiser than we were 12 month ago...
We wanted to share a few moments that made this past year make us not want to walk away and shutdown from the world. Obviously, some adoption stuff is interweaved but hey, we can't just pretend it isn't happening!

Quick Recap:

~Began January with beginning our adoption from South Africa. Announced it with a pic of us through a pic of an iPhone. Classic. 

~ Spent amazing times with friends on the sunny beaches of California. Should have taken advantage of that more (cough, -13 today, cough).

~ A visit from my beautiful friend Jenny, Erik's 30th birthday trip to Chicago for the Cubs Home Opener, and family visits out to California full of wine, golf, and blueberry picking.

~ Quality and amazing friendships made over the past 6 years because God brought us to California to begin our marriage, all of whom we have been unbelievably blessed by!

~A sad farewell to a trusty ole car that was stolen and stripped and towed to the salvage yard. RIP Green Machine.

~Dossier #2: finished. 

~ Celebrated 5 years of laughing, loving, crying & adventuring by getting tattoos. We are so romantic. 

~Finished up our year at Modesto Covenant with an incredible group of students, a crazy Adventure trip to somewhere in Nevada, and people who will forever be a part of our hearts. They packed up our apartment into a UHAUL in less than 2 hours. No joke. Rockstars.

~We moved. Like big time moved to Minnesota. God called, we answered. Our journey was epic. Still is. 

~ Moved into a 1923 house that we love, started at a new church that we love, live in a city that we love. I mean...it's okay or whatever.

~ Travelled to Colorado for my cousin's wedding, spent quality time with the fam, and DANCED like I had the lead role in Footloose.

~Our nephew, Wells, was born and we are obsessed. 

~Watching Bella walk in snow for the first time in her life. Hilarious. 

~Enjoying being close to one of my favorite families in this entire nation/world, seeing family more often, cutting down our own Christmas trees, and exploring parts of the Midwest I've never seen before. 

~ Siblings. 

So here's to a new year, probably filled with a lot more adoption news than anyone ever wanted to know, but also filled with sweet moments outside of that which define our lives and bring us life. 

I suppose sometimes walking away to gain perspective on all the good isn't so bad after all. 

Cheers and Adios to 2013. 

A No News Update

Whoever came up with the phrase "No news is good news" obviously never adopted.

Frankly, I want to punch that person in the face. A little abrasive?

But, because we have had a lot of people asking us what is going on, I figured I'd give you an update. A "No News" update.

So what is going on? Here is the 411.

Last time we updated you all, we told you about the date debacle on some of our documents. The issue was resolved (much more quickly than anticipated, which was a huge praise) but then the government decided that they couldn't make civil decisions and shut down. Well played, guys.

When we first arrived in Minnesota in August, we had to get new fingerprints for our Home Study update. Since I literally think that most criminals haven't been fingerprinted as much as we have, we skipped on down to the police station like pros to repeat this process for the 4th time. They said it would take 2-3 weeks.
As of 2 weeks ago, we still hadn't passed our background check. (insert California being a little slow on the uptake and the Federal government being, well, preschoolers.)

As for our referral and court dates, basically, we have to pass a second stage of immigration here in the US, then that approval has to be sent to South Africa, they have to approve our approval and grant us a court date all before mid November so that we can be out of South Africa by mid December before the courts close for the season.
However, we couldn't file for immigration until our Home Study update was complete which needed the fingerprints that still hadn't been approved.
See how confusing this is? If I didn't believe that God was the greatest puzzle master in the world, I think I would just have given up.

So, our agency decided that we were going to basically throw out procedures and just start the ball rolling on everything even though the very first puzzle piece wasn't in place. That is what I'm talkin' about! Rebels!
We applied for immigration without our completed Home Study update, then finally heard back about our fingerprints and finished the update. I was able to talk to our Immigration Officer and explain our situation and (Praise the Lord!) she is great! As of right now, things are pretty much dependent on her to push through our case and get our I800 approval done more quickly than usual.

That is so much information.

I sometimes forget that it all makes so much more sense when you have been looking at all the paperwork for the last year. Sorry? #notsosorry

So where does that leave us?
Well it leaves us completely vulnerable and completely out of control.
If you haven't learned anything about me yet, these are 2 things that make me kick and scream and throw things.

Best case scenario, our USCIS officer pushes through our I800 application and South Africa grants us a quick court date and we leave in the next month. That is like..."winning all the gold medals in the Olympics in every sport" best case scenario.

Worst case scenario, everything gets put on hold until after the new year and we wait. Again.

I'm for the gold medals, personally.

As we said in our last post, we are praying for things that don't make sense. Praying that the greatest puzzle master of all time is going to blow our minds by putting together all the pieces in the craziest way possible and get us to South Africa before Christmas so that we can finally bring our little girl home.

But we are also praying for patience and peace, trusting that God's timing (although in the thick of it doesn't always make sense) is better than ours.

So until there is news...we will be on our knees praying.

Nothing I Hold On To

I was woken up this morning by a hot cup of coffee on my bed stand  from my husband. Coffee and then really loud worship music in the bathroom while he showered.

Don't get me wrong, I love worship music. And worshipping. Just not before my coffee. (That is probably a stronghold worth working on.)

"I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven."

Boooooo. I like my coffee. I like my own understanding. Control issues much?

"I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven."

We get it, Will Reagan, you don't have to repeat yourself a billion times. What is the point of that anyway?

"I give it all to you, God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me."

Whoa. 

"I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. There's nothing I hold on to."

Clearly, God doesn't care if I haven't had my morning coffee yet to start a conversation with me. 

I'm clearly moody about it. But, I'm listening. 

Maybe just with one ear. 

There's nothing I hold on to.

In my life, especially with our adoption, I sometimes find myself in too deep. My thoughts, my words, my actions, my world...I cling so tightly. 

Recently, it has been even worse, wondering if we are going to get through to court before December, knowing that if we don't have a court date for November, we will be waiting until after the new year to bring our girl home. We are pushing through paperwork, talking with immigration, mass communicating with social workers, praying for governments to play nice, compiling our travel expenses knowing that if this all goes through we might have just a few days notice to hop on a plane and go. 

"I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. There's nothing I hold on to."

And then there is that. How do you even climb a mountain with no hands! That doesn't even make sense. 

I suppose that is the point.
Got it, God.

We are praying for things that don't make sense. That seem impossible. That can't happen.

Nothing I hold on to. 

This is our prayer and we ask that it be yours for us as well. With prayers of court dates, paperwork, miracles, our daughter...

We ask for prayers to climb this mountain with our hands wide open. To rest in the hands of the maker. That we would be made beautiful through this process and His glory would be made known. 

Nothing I hold on to.

Nothing we hold on to.

Hurdles and Skinned Hands

Have you ever been so excited about something that you awkwardly tripped, flung yourself forward, hit the pavement, and felt the searing pain of the palms of your hands scraping across the gravel?

You know, the pain that doesn't show up in the form of cool battle wounds or scars but burns to the depth of your being for like 5 days straight?

I'd like to say that these incidents were isolated only to my growing years of childhood, but seeing as I am quite clumsy...this is a normal occurrence.

It hurts. A lot.

And although a meager metaphor for our lives right now, it was the only thing I could think of during this last week as we have journeyed through our referral acceptance.

There is nothing quite like receiving your referral for the first time. Feeling the joy, anticipation, nervousness, fear, and hope all wrapped into 20 pieces of paper that probably meant nothing to anyone for a long time.

Seeing pictures. Hearing her story.

Beautiful.

We got so wrapped up in the joy and excitement that 1 week later, as we took a closer look, we realized that there was a major date discrepancy in our daughter's paperwork.

All of the official referral and government paperwork had one date as her birthday and her birth certificate had another. It went through 2 agencies and 2 governments and we were the ones to discover it. (Insert my poor attitude here).

As we have been in communication with our agency, we found out today that the date has to be changed on all the paperwork including the government form. The amount of time this will take is unknown.

We have been promised speediness, but as we have learned quickly, that doesn't mean a whole lot.

Vulnerable moment: I feel like I have skinned hands all over. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. And I'm still laying on the ground rolling back and forth wondering what happened.

Erik asked me this morning if I knew God was good. "Yes. I know God is good." "Then let's cling to that," he said. (He makes my flailing, out of control, banged up being look slightly pathetic.)

We are clinging. We are. It is just so hard sometimes with skinned hands.

Times...They Are A Changin'

“To make a shift from one to another,” “to give a different position, course, or direction,” “to make radically different.” These are just some of the ways “change” is defined. And if we are all being honest here….change is never easy. It forces us to let go of control, to throw away our checklists (side note…I have a deep love for checklists), causes many sleepless nights, and destroys the walls of our comfort zone.

But both my husband and I sense that God has ordered a plate of change for our lives with a side of “buckle up for the ride.”

So here is what is going on with the Andersons. A few months ago, my incredible husband Erik was approached by a church in Minnesota about possibly coming on staff with them in an awesome opportunity to serve as their High School Pastor. We were completely surprised by the conversation since we hadn't been looking at other churches and are obviously not at an ideal spot in our lives to move. We had been praying non-stop since we starting talking with them and being careful to listen extremely closely and clearly to where God was leading.

After a lot of time, prayer, and conversations, we decided to accept this call. It was and has been a super hard decision and not one (if you ask me) that seems to make any sense as far as timing goes...but we feel clear and confident that God has called us to go and we are doing our best to be faithful to Him.

So…in 8 days we will be packing up and heading back toward the Midwest. It has and will continue to be a total whirlwind!

We can’t say enough how thankful we are to all of the people who loved us so much over the years here in Modesto, at our church and the community that has been built up around us. The students, families, and friends that we have grown to love so much are so incredible and we have been so blessed by each of them in unbelievable ways.  They have made us better people in everyway possible.

And specifically looking back on our adoption journey, we could not have come this far without each of them. When we felt alone, weak, confused, excited, scared out of our minds, joyful, the community here has wrapped their arms around us, encouraged us, and loved us and our future children so fully…it is hard to even put into words.

We hate that we have to say goodbye (or more like see you soon) to friends that we have depended on the last several years, but we are so thankful that we do have those friendships and all of the support, love, and encouragement that we have received in the last 6 years of our journey.

So here is to life’s next step and next adventure. And as hard as it is to say farewell…

We can’t wait to see what God has planned. 

Because of you...

Because of God's people doing unthinkable things...

Rallying around us in ways that we could have never imagined....

Standing up for us when we felt weak, overwhelmed, and defeated...

Because you said yes to making a difference...

Thank you.

Thank you for your generosity.

Love.

Encouragements.

For everything.

This is what happened.

And IS happening.

Because of you.

A Battle Cry.

Funny story. 

I prayed for my spiritual armor today. 

It was a joke, God. I didn't really mean that I wanted to go into battle!!

But the battlefield is exactly where I am standing right now.

Without going into much detail yet, the Anderson's have had a hard 24 hours. A lot to handle in a short span of time. Yesterday, I told Erik to bring me home and I ate a lot of ice cream. 

Some adoption stuff, some life stuff, some "car stolen in the middle of the night" stuff.

But between those heavy double breath cries and some spoonfuls of sugar, I was reminded of a friend's blog way back from last year. And a quote that she posted that made me smile at the time. 

I may not be smiling today, but I'm battle crying. 

And as ugly as it may be, I am finding more strength than I could ever imagine to fight in a battle that I prayed to be prepared for. 

Bring it. 

The Adoption Cruise Control.

I'm not a runner. 

It is on my bucket list to run a marathon but that might be the part of my bucket that has a hole in it. 

Oh, Liza....I feel for ya, girl!  

Erik and I tried the "running couple" thing for a while which ended miserably on several accounts. 

So, the running shoes that I bought because I was going to "become a runner" turned into some cool looking shoes that I wear to Target to make it look like I just ran 15 miles and am now obviously deserving of a Target Decor/Clothing slurge. 

No. I am no runner. 

So just a heads up...this next part could be partial "hear-say". 

I have heard that when these so called "runners" run, there is a moment during the excessive push of miles where you go into a state of running euphoria. 

Where the push at the beginning and the push and the end meet a happy medium and you set yourself on a human type of cruise control. 

Can we just take a moment to interject that we spent the last 4 1/2 years with a car that didn't have cruise control only to realize that cruise control is potentially the coolest thing...ever. 

Life-changing. 

Ok. Back to the running that I don't do...

This cruise control state has got me thinking quite a bit these days. Since January, our whole world has been consumed with adoption. Adoption prep. Adoption training. Adoption planning. Adoption fundraising. Adoption blogs. Adoption. Adoption. Adoption. 

We started out, looking for the right pace. At times going too fast and other times going too slow. But eventually, things evened out and we found our stride. 

And now, I feel like we've hit cruise control. Not to say that we are "cruisin'" through adoption. You would have to be crazy to think that this process is a "cruise".

But, a bit of a good stride. 

We reached a point in our adoption where there isn't paper to sign, bills to pay (thanks to many of you!), meetings to attend, sanity to be lost. We hit a stride that doesn't feel so fast anymore.

And do you know what I started feeling when we got there? 

Like I was a bad "adoptive" parent. 

Seriously? 

Yes. Seriously.

I felt bad because I felt like I didn’t have a cause anymore. Like I wasn’t working hard enough or blogging well enough or talking “adoption” enough.

Like I was taking a sneak nap in the janitor’s closet when I was supposed to be working.

I am realizing this:

It. Is. Totally. Ok. 

Wha?!?! I don't have to be tearing my hair out, sprinting through offices, post offices, keyboards, and pen ink? I can just wait expectantly and excitedly and sometimes even have a moment in my life where I am not thinking about adoption? 

Yes. 

Yes I can. 

And although we hate that we won't have our child today or tomorrow...it is ok for a while to find our cruise control button, take the foot off the gas, and put a good use to those "not for running" running shoes in the middle of the push. 

I know, son. I know.

You know that you haven't written on your blog in a long time when you hit the bookmarked link you have to direct yourself to it's homepage and you are signed out.

I almost didn't remember the password.

I've missed this little sucker but you know what I have missed more? Sanity.

I feel like I have been all sorts of all over the place in the last few weeks and don't exactly know how to get back to the point on the spinning top that...well...doesn't spin.

I'm not sure if you have heard of Jon Acuff, but if you haven't, you should get to know him. He is amazing. He writes books and talks all over the place but one of my favorite things he does is his blog, Stuff Christian Like.

It is awesome.

Especially when you work at a church and have grown up as a Christian your entire life! It is all the stuff that you have always thought but never put into words.

I won't get into it now...but read it. Cause its REAL good.

Erik sent me a link to one of his blog posts today and since I don't particularly have the stamina to write on my own blog, I decided to steal his. :) Copyright issues? #innocent mistake.

I know that I for sure needed to hear this, so I'm hoping maybe some of you do as well. Happy reading!

"The Soft x" by Jon Acuff at www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike

"I cried in the Chicago Airport.

And these were not tough guy, lumberjack, I just punched a mountain lion in the face with my bare fist kind of tears. These were sad and tired and give up tears.

I was flying home from a conference in Chicago. I had been the closing keynote speaker and it had gone really well. That’s not what I was crying about though. I was crying because of what I knew would happen when I landed.

I knew I would take the train to my car, grab work clothes, change in the handicapped stall and then disappear into a sea of cubicles. I didn’t hate my job, not at all, it just wasn’t what I felt called to do. The Stuff Christians Book wasn’t out yet, but the site was doing well. I had this completely different life starting to develop and it was hard to go back to work and act like Chicago had all been just a dream.

This was long before the opportunity at Dave Ramsey. This was a doldrums period where I was just writing and writing and writing, but things weren’t happening the way I thought they would.

I sat in meetings about TPS reports and budgets and would get frustrated with God, wondering if he even saw me. Wasn’t he the one who put this burning in my heart? Wasn’t it his call that I was answering? This wasn’t how life was supposed to go.

Have you ever felt that way?

Has there ever been a situation where you had an expectation that you felt like God simply wasn’t meeting? I think most of us have experienced that.

Right now, someone reading this blog is mourning a marriage that fell apart. You wanted to be the first in your family to have a grandkid for your parents, not the first to get divorced.

Right now, someone is in a gray cubicle and the degree they got, the passion they followed in college is a million miles away from how they spend 40+ hours every week.

Right now, there’s someone struggling with an issue that refuses to release it’s talons even though you’re occasionally able to shake it for a few “good weeks.”

Right now, someone had to send out wedding cancellation notes, because it’s off.

Right now, there’s a man who feels a lot less than a man because he doesn’t have a job and can’t provide for his family.

Right now there are a million different versions of “Don’t you see me God?” happening. And so we doubt and get angry and lonely. But we are not the only ones with expectations that go astray.

In Genesis 48, the same thing happens to Joseph, of the double rainbow coat fame. He has brought his two sons to his father Israel for his blessing. We don’t understand this culturally because we don’t really do this anymore, but this was a critical, massive thing that was about to take place. Manasseh was about to receive Israel’s blessing. That was what should happen. That was what Joseph expected.

Joseph the faithful. Joseph the former slave, former convict, former saved all of Egypt from death and destruction. Joseph had a great track record at this point. He was a deeply wise man of God. He knew what was about to happen. By lineage, by tradition, by faith, Manasseh was about to get blessed by Israel.

Only he doesn’t.

It doesn’t happen that way. Instead of doing what he should have done, Israel crosses his arms and forms an X, placing his hands on the heads of the wrong children. He blesses Ephraim, the wrong son in Joseph’s mind.

And in 48:17 we see what happens: When Joseph saw his father placing his right hand on Ephraim’s head he was displeased; so he took hold of his father’s hand to move it from Ephraim’s head to Manasseh’s head.

Joseph has lived his entire life with one belief about how a blessing is passed down. This is his, “I got my Master’s Degree in teaching, I should get a teaching job” moment. This is his, “People get married after college, that’s what they do,” moment. This is what he’s always been ready for and it goes the exact opposite way.

So Joseph, like me or you trying to fix a mistake, says, “No, my father, this one is the firstborn; put your right hand on his head.”

And how does Israel respond? Does he say, “Oh, I am failing of sight and made a mistake?” Does he reply, “Thank you for correcting this situation?”

No.

He says simply, “I know, my son, I know.”

And that is an incredibly tender thing to say as someone’s expectations crumble.

And I think it’s something God still says to us, even today.

“I know, my son, I know. I know, my daughter, I know. That thing you wanted is not going to happen. Not the way you’ve always dreamed. I know this hurts. I know this stings. I know you feel like I am distant or not aware of where you are and who hurt you and what you think life was supposed to be like. I know in moments like this you doubt that I can count the hairs on your head or have your best in mind. But please, I am not done. I have barely started to reveal your life to you. I am the God who satisfies your desires with good things. That is me! And when it comes to your hopes and your fears and your dreams, I know, my son, I know.”

I think of this moment as the “soft x.”

I think of the tenderness of Israel with his arms outstretched and crossed. I think of our desires and our dreams and the times they don’t work. Because those times will come. God is not an ATM, bound by our whims. Christ promises us that in this world we will have trouble. But above all, when I think of that soft x I think of a God who wants to tell you he hears you, he loves you, he knows you. He is not disconnected or disinterested in who you are and who you want to be. Today, he says,

“I know, my son, I know.”