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Blue Chalk and Love Notes :: Lessons from a 7 Year Old || 4 Months Post Adoption

We bought a new rug. Thanks to some welcome home gift cards and a giant, yet washable, stain on the upper right corner, we walked out of Kmart with a giant size piece of carpet for less than my Aldi grocery bill.

The basement had decidedly been quartered off to make a playroom for our girl, who has befriended most of the children on our street and hosts tea parties, art classes, and teaches school to unknowing 3 year olds.

My living room and my minor OCD were not surviving the traffic.

The finished product (on a minimal budget) made me and our girl proud and so with excitement I announced that she could have her "quiet time" in the basement in her new play room.
(We have a quiet time every day for 1 hour to refuel her engine and give her a bit of time to wind down. But let's be honest...it is really for me.)

I heard the pitter-patter of feet running up the stairs, far too early than previously agreed. As an excited 7-year old face peered around the corner I automatically knew. Some thing had gone terribly wrong.

"I have a VERY awesome gift for you, Mommy." Blink. Blink, blink, blink.

I slowly walked down the steps, eyes half open because she had requested me blindfolded - to which I met her with a compromise of no.

As I entered the quarter size playroom and looked down, I gasped. The brand new white/cream/beige carpet (should of seen that one coming) that had been so delicately placed in our child's playroom (again, really didn't seen this coming?) was covered, COVERED, in bright neon blue chalk.

It was like a Smurf crime scene.
Her pride soared.
My jaw dropped.

As I looked from the carpet to her face and back again, it was obvious that I was in shock. And her joy went from soaring to broken.

"What did you do?" I asked.

And in a quiet voice she said, "I wrote you a love note."

As I looked closer, I realized that all the lines and circles and shapes were not random. They were calculated. And designed with care.

I LUV U MOMMY! heart shape. heart shape. heart shape.
N J E F. (This is her sleek way of writing code for our family - Nosipho, Jessa, Erik, Family) heart shape. heart shape. heart shape.
LOOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEEE. heart shape. heart shape. heart shape.
Chicken shape. (I'm still not totally sure how this one fits into the love note, but I'm sure it will come to me in some divine revelation when she is 16. Or she just really loves chickens.)

I am no adoption expert. Not even close. But even the worst informed adoptive parent would know two things in this situation:

1. My response to this situation was absolutely horrible.
2. We are the luckiest people in the world.

Adoption is hard.
The waiting process is daunting, exhausting, and heart-breaking at times.
And when you finally cross over to the much anticipated moment of meeting the child you have prayed for, cried over, pursued, and worked so hard to bring home, there is a part of you that feels like you should be singing and dancing everyday.

I am amazed at how quickly that emotion fades. And how quickly I forget that this is the little girl that stole our hearts and set us on a life-changing path.

When your daughter is kicking, screaming, crying, and scratching for anything she can touch in the heat of a total breakdown because she doesn't know how to express her needs, you forget that there is a little person in there that is broken and hurting.

When your 7-year old is asking you to dress her every morning and carry her to bed every single night when you know she is capable of doing it and all you want is 5 minutes to finish eating your cold dinner, you forget that there is a child in there whose basic needs have never been met the way they needed to be.

And when your daughter, who you adopted only 4 months ago, gives you kisses and hugs everyday and writes love (did you hear that? LOVE) notes in your brand new carpet, you forget that it is nothing short of a miracle that this little child is your daughter. And that by the grace of God, she has been able to find small pieces of healing and little reasons to trust, despite the many, MULTIPLE (like on the daily) moments where we TOTALLY screw up this whole parenthood thing.

We eventually scrubbed out the blue chalk and the stain in the right hand corner of the carpet. The stain came out completely. But there are hints of blue all over the rug and I am thankful for that. Thankful for the reminder that mistakes along the way are often more beautiful than perfecting the process.

Home.

We made it. It may have been a little over a week ago and it may be that I have been too tired to even think about posting on our blog...

But we made it. By the grace of God, we traveled over 9,000 miles, 23 hours, and 3 viewings of Frozen on the airplane to arrive back in Minnesota and into the arms of the people we love.

We have so much to be thankful for. We are figuring out this new life one step at a time, but praising God for His unending mercies, faithfulness, and grace.

Learning each day how to live and breath into our new role as parents.

There is a lot to write about, a lot to discover, and a lot of really hilarious things that (as parents) we probably shouldn't be laughing at. (We will be reporting all these missteps and adventures as soon as we have one solid night of uninterrupted sleep).

For now, here is a little glimpse into one of the most precious moments of our lives.

Thank you to all who have been praying, supporting, journeying through this adventure with us. We know that the hard part is just now starting, but are so thankful for the love we have been shown.

It is good to be home.

Guided.

Yesterday we went to a botanical gardens-y type place. They also served wine, so I don't know what that qualifies as, but it was awesome.

And big.

(Side Note: For those just checking in...we (being me and Nosipho) are still in South Africa. Erik and I left for South Africa on February 11th and Erik headed back home to the States on March 12th. Nosipho and I are waiting for her unabridged birth certificate and temporary passport to be able to leave the country. Time of departure? Unknown.)

Back to our adventure. 

The gardens were big enough to need a map to walk around it. And since it seems that we have added a daughter to our family who is strong-willed, independent, and adventurous...she controlled the map. 

At first, I was trying to explain that you have to hold it right side up in order to really know where you are going. After a few minutes, I just gave up and decided to trust her (and the people in yellow shirts that actually knew where we were supposed to go).

I should learn to trust more because even though the map was upside down, she seemed to know exactly where we needed to go.

What looked upside down to me made complete sense to her. 

And though our journey took maybe a bit/way longer than I would have liked, we stumbled upon places that we never would have seen had I been in control of the map. 

Do you see where I'm going with this?

I've been struggling quite a bit with understanding why God isn't making things happen faster here on this end. If it were up to me and my AWESOME navigational skills, we would have been out of South Africa yesterday. 

But I'm starting to see little glimpses of the blessings that come from long journeys. (You would have thought this lesson would have been learned in that whole 3 year journey to adopt Nosipho, yeah? #slowlearner #foolmeonce?)

But even when I'm kicking, screaming, and awkwardly crying to old episodes of Hawaii Five-O by myself after sweet girl is asleep, I'm starting to hear God's voice a bit clearer. 

The map may look upside down, and this path may not have been the one you would have chosen if you were in control...

But the journey will be beautiful.

And I promise, I'll bring you safely to the exit. 

South Africa, Family of Three, and Katy Perry

My plan was to blog in South Africa during our adoption.

No one ever told me that having a 6 year old would not allow for that..easily. 

Touche Parenthood. Touche. 

But, in an effort to bring some news and updates to all of you, I decided to put down my obsession with Candy Crush (post bedtime), grab a glass of wine and go sit outside on the patio of someone's house to capture a few minutes of stolen internet! Boom. This is Africa. 

The last 2+ weeks have been a complete whirlwind. I liken it to the part of the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy has not yet figured out that she is in a dream and a house just crushed a witch. Oddly exciting, somewhat confusing. Definitely foreign. 

We arrived in South Africa after a long 37 hours of travel through too many different countries to list. The day following this, we met our daughter. Our beautiful, vivacious, energetic, independent, and amazing daughter. She is beyond anything we could have ever dreamed. God absolutely knew what he was doing when He weaved our family together.

We spent our first week visiting her each day at her orphanage, getting to know each other, and eating a lot of hamburgers and french fries. (Don't criticizes this unless you have a adopted a 6 year old from a foreign country. You literally do whatever it takes.)

Enter Katy Perry. We found our first days of bonding with her to be quite difficult. She didn't really want anything to do with us after Day 1. We tried everything. We were super cool. I mean, pullin' out all the "cool parent" tricks. I was like "Dang, Erik. We are awesome." Nosipho was like, "Not so much."

Who knew that Katy Perry and her Prism album would single handedly open up the door to instant bonding. With 1 (or maybe 500) plays of "Roar" and "Darkhorse", we were a VonTrap family miracle on our car trips to fast food. I'm 100% convinced that Katy would want us on stage with her. We have hand motions. 

After a week, we broke through. We officially took her to our temporary residence to live with us permanently. We spent another week in Durban and on February 27th, she officially became ours according to the courts of South Africa. It was...perfect. 

We headed to Cape Town the day after, where we will be for the next several weeks. Here we will be doing her US Immigration Medical Exams, applying for her Visa and Passport, and rounding up all loose ends to get us to our exit interview in Johannesburg (hopefully by the end of March). 

Erik will leave on March 12th to head back home and back to work. (I may have had a complete emotional breakdown today about being a single parent for 2/3 weeks. I mean, maybe.)

Our time has been sweet. The girl is a riot. A firecracker. I think she wants to be Katy Perry (perhaps Juicy J, we aren't sure). But, she has brought some serious life to this family. She is strong, beautiful, and will definitely change the world. We know it. 

We are proud parents of our sweet daughter, Nosipho (No-See-Po) Ruth Anderson, and would not/could not wish for something different. 

We will try to update you all more than we have, but for now, prayers prayers prayers abundant for bonding, paperwork, the African process, and each steps forward as we learn to parent, love, and grow as a family! 

And, if anyone didn't get tickets to the Katy Perry concert, you are welcome to come over to our home when we are back. Free show. 

Up Up and Away!

Seriously. We can't believe that this day is here.

2 weeks ago, we woke up to a whirlwind of news, emotions, planning, and a lot of crying. Today/yesterday (I don't really know what day it is), we are sitting in the Paris International Airport, eating macaroons (I stress eat), waiting to board a flight that is going to literally change our lives forever.

I'm not a big cryer by nature. I actually have had to pinch myself to cry at times when I'm next to Erik who is a tender-hearted little soul. He makes me look bad. But, my eyes seem to have taken on the characteristics of a leaky faucet...on crack. They don't stop. I'm a disaster. We both are.

I don't really have a lot of words that I can say to let people know how we are feeling. I suppose if you have been there, you know. Excitement, fear, joy, anticipation, anxiety...I don't even know. I'm like a junior high girl's mood ring.

Either way, we wouldn't and couldn't be in this spot without a lot of you! Your prayers, encouragements, support, bags of donated clothes, toys, and cheetos...the list goes on. It is a joy and privilege to be able to share all of this with you. A total joy!

And holy cow. We can't wait to meet our sweet girl. And we can't wait for that first post we get to make introducing our daughter into your lives!

God is amazing. You guys are pretty rockin' too.

So here we go.

Let the Adventures of Noi begin!

Here We Come!

I have actually been writing out this blog post in my head for months.

It was going to be super elegant and quite epic, mixed with the slightest hint of humor (just for the people who prefer to awkwardly laugh in emotional situations).

All that went out the window. Real fast.
Instead, We are just a blubbering, hysterical mess. I can't even post a picture because we both look like someone who just watched Bambi 5 times in a row and then chugged 12 Monster Energy Drinks.

Please take a moment to picture this. That is us.

We woke up this morning to a phone call. THE phone call. And these 5 words...

YOU GOT YOUR COURT DATE!!!!!!

Exactly one year ago, we sat in a meeting with the face of our little girl on a piece of paper in front of us and said yes.
We said yes to the scariest thing we have ever decided in our lives. We said yes to something we knew nothing about. We said yes to God's plan for our family even though it didn't look anything like what we thought.

And holy cow. I'm so glad we said yes.

In the great words of Macauly Culkin, "This is it. Don't get scared now."

For something that we have been preparing for directly and indirectly for 3 years, we have never felt so excited, unprepared, anxious, elated, and ready.

Our court date is February 27th, which means we will be leaving in the next few weeks to get out to South Africa, meet our girl, and spend some bonding time with her before we head to court to make it all official!

Surreal.

After things calmed down a bit this morning (aka we could actually start to see again through our complete mess of tears) we actually took the time to look at our Facebooks and phones. This is how cool God is...

Three separate people had emailed us/messaged us saying that we had been on their minds last night and this morning and that they were praying for movement. Praying for amazing things.

God is fighting for us. God is fighting for our girl. And so are all of you.

None of this has been done in our own power and it will continue to not be done in our own strength. For each of those prayers, each of those encouragements, and each of those moments that you have taken to lift us up...we can not thank you enough.

The road is not over yet and I know we will continue to need TONS of prayers as we travel and become a family. And probably even more as we navigate becoming parents (Holy Crap. Let's cross that bridge when we get to it.)

But today....today is a long awaited day of praises. Like crazy dancing like a mad woman and singing at the top of your lungs praises.

Just do it. You know you want to. Because...

Sweet girl, here we come.

Hello 30, Goodbye '13.

Sometimes you need to walk away. Just walk away.
Like when you are trying to hang that weird plastic stuff on your windows because it is supposed to help you keep your house warm and the plastic keeps clinging to you.
Or when you are trying to beat your husband's high score on the phone game "Dots" and have officially cramped your fingers into a permanent "index pointing" position only to realize your score is so low that it doesn't even make the board.
Or when you are trying to get the "perfect" sock bun that everyone says is so easy to do, yet somehow you are the only person in the world who's hair thinks it would look better as a 80's rock star sunburst.

Or when something becomes so overbearing and looming that the pressure makes your heart want to sink faster and more traumatically than the Titanic.

I know that writing is a form of therapy for many. It is a form of therapy for me. At times.

But there was a time that I needed to walk away. When the thought of writing yet another post about our continually postponed adoption made me feel like I was wrapped up in clinging plastic and stuck with my fingers in "index pointing" position. (Awkward picture, eh?)

So, in true form to how I do most anything that I am overwhelmed with...
I walked away.
Unannounced.
I didn't write, I didn't call, I didn't text...I kind of just shut down.
It is clearly not ideal and often quite hurtful to people that I am close with but who really wants to hang out with a girl with crazy hair wrapped up like a plastic mummy? Exactly.

In my time away, I turned 30. Which obviously made me much wiser and sound of mind. I had some time to reflect on this past year and all of the really incredible things that I DIDN'T write about. Yup. Thats right. Good things actually happened! I was just too consumed with our adoption to recognize it.

I realized that although our journey has been crazy and amazing and tons of people have wrapped their arms around us in support, prayer, and love...it is not the only thing going on in my life. And when I let it get to that...I felt smothered. I felt trapped. I felt exhausted.

Just like those people that ONLY EVER talk about their kids. We were ONLY EVER talking about our adoption. And we don't even have a kid yet! Yikes. Not cool, Andersons. Not cool.

So, now that we are both thirty, flirty, and thriving-ish? and clearly WAAAY wiser than we were 12 month ago...
We wanted to share a few moments that made this past year make us not want to walk away and shutdown from the world. Obviously, some adoption stuff is interweaved but hey, we can't just pretend it isn't happening!

Quick Recap:

~Began January with beginning our adoption from South Africa. Announced it with a pic of us through a pic of an iPhone. Classic. 

~ Spent amazing times with friends on the sunny beaches of California. Should have taken advantage of that more (cough, -13 today, cough).

~ A visit from my beautiful friend Jenny, Erik's 30th birthday trip to Chicago for the Cubs Home Opener, and family visits out to California full of wine, golf, and blueberry picking.

~ Quality and amazing friendships made over the past 6 years because God brought us to California to begin our marriage, all of whom we have been unbelievably blessed by!

~A sad farewell to a trusty ole car that was stolen and stripped and towed to the salvage yard. RIP Green Machine.

~Dossier #2: finished. 

~ Celebrated 5 years of laughing, loving, crying & adventuring by getting tattoos. We are so romantic. 

~Finished up our year at Modesto Covenant with an incredible group of students, a crazy Adventure trip to somewhere in Nevada, and people who will forever be a part of our hearts. They packed up our apartment into a UHAUL in less than 2 hours. No joke. Rockstars.

~We moved. Like big time moved to Minnesota. God called, we answered. Our journey was epic. Still is. 

~ Moved into a 1923 house that we love, started at a new church that we love, live in a city that we love. I mean...it's okay or whatever.

~ Travelled to Colorado for my cousin's wedding, spent quality time with the fam, and DANCED like I had the lead role in Footloose.

~Our nephew, Wells, was born and we are obsessed. 

~Watching Bella walk in snow for the first time in her life. Hilarious. 

~Enjoying being close to one of my favorite families in this entire nation/world, seeing family more often, cutting down our own Christmas trees, and exploring parts of the Midwest I've never seen before. 

~ Siblings. 

So here's to a new year, probably filled with a lot more adoption news than anyone ever wanted to know, but also filled with sweet moments outside of that which define our lives and bring us life. 

I suppose sometimes walking away to gain perspective on all the good isn't so bad after all. 

Cheers and Adios to 2013. 

The Injured Reserve

This thing is going a lot different than I thought.

This is all I kept hearing while Erik was watching a video in our living room last night.

I immediately was quick to tell him that I obviously did not like that man who was talking on the video. I think my exact words were "Well, that is stupid." (Watch the video and you will clearly see that what he says is amazing and not stupid in any way. I was in denial.)

This thing is going a lot different than I thought. We are on the injured reserve list right now. Benched for the time being. As far as we know, we won't be called into the game anytime soon. At least not until after Christmas.

This thing is going a lot different than I thought, but God is still faithful.

I never thought an NFL Quarterback could bring me a big dose of perspective on our adoption. I was wrong.

A No News Update

Whoever came up with the phrase "No news is good news" obviously never adopted.

Frankly, I want to punch that person in the face. A little abrasive?

But, because we have had a lot of people asking us what is going on, I figured I'd give you an update. A "No News" update.

So what is going on? Here is the 411.

Last time we updated you all, we told you about the date debacle on some of our documents. The issue was resolved (much more quickly than anticipated, which was a huge praise) but then the government decided that they couldn't make civil decisions and shut down. Well played, guys.

When we first arrived in Minnesota in August, we had to get new fingerprints for our Home Study update. Since I literally think that most criminals haven't been fingerprinted as much as we have, we skipped on down to the police station like pros to repeat this process for the 4th time. They said it would take 2-3 weeks.
As of 2 weeks ago, we still hadn't passed our background check. (insert California being a little slow on the uptake and the Federal government being, well, preschoolers.)

As for our referral and court dates, basically, we have to pass a second stage of immigration here in the US, then that approval has to be sent to South Africa, they have to approve our approval and grant us a court date all before mid November so that we can be out of South Africa by mid December before the courts close for the season.
However, we couldn't file for immigration until our Home Study update was complete which needed the fingerprints that still hadn't been approved.
See how confusing this is? If I didn't believe that God was the greatest puzzle master in the world, I think I would just have given up.

So, our agency decided that we were going to basically throw out procedures and just start the ball rolling on everything even though the very first puzzle piece wasn't in place. That is what I'm talkin' about! Rebels!
We applied for immigration without our completed Home Study update, then finally heard back about our fingerprints and finished the update. I was able to talk to our Immigration Officer and explain our situation and (Praise the Lord!) she is great! As of right now, things are pretty much dependent on her to push through our case and get our I800 approval done more quickly than usual.

That is so much information.

I sometimes forget that it all makes so much more sense when you have been looking at all the paperwork for the last year. Sorry? #notsosorry

So where does that leave us?
Well it leaves us completely vulnerable and completely out of control.
If you haven't learned anything about me yet, these are 2 things that make me kick and scream and throw things.

Best case scenario, our USCIS officer pushes through our I800 application and South Africa grants us a quick court date and we leave in the next month. That is like..."winning all the gold medals in the Olympics in every sport" best case scenario.

Worst case scenario, everything gets put on hold until after the new year and we wait. Again.

I'm for the gold medals, personally.

As we said in our last post, we are praying for things that don't make sense. Praying that the greatest puzzle master of all time is going to blow our minds by putting together all the pieces in the craziest way possible and get us to South Africa before Christmas so that we can finally bring our little girl home.

But we are also praying for patience and peace, trusting that God's timing (although in the thick of it doesn't always make sense) is better than ours.

So until there is news...we will be on our knees praying.

Nothing I Hold On To

I was woken up this morning by a hot cup of coffee on my bed stand  from my husband. Coffee and then really loud worship music in the bathroom while he showered.

Don't get me wrong, I love worship music. And worshipping. Just not before my coffee. (That is probably a stronghold worth working on.)

"I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven."

Boooooo. I like my coffee. I like my own understanding. Control issues much?

"I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven."

We get it, Will Reagan, you don't have to repeat yourself a billion times. What is the point of that anyway?

"I give it all to you, God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me."

Whoa. 

"I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. There's nothing I hold on to."

Clearly, God doesn't care if I haven't had my morning coffee yet to start a conversation with me. 

I'm clearly moody about it. But, I'm listening. 

Maybe just with one ear. 

There's nothing I hold on to.

In my life, especially with our adoption, I sometimes find myself in too deep. My thoughts, my words, my actions, my world...I cling so tightly. 

Recently, it has been even worse, wondering if we are going to get through to court before December, knowing that if we don't have a court date for November, we will be waiting until after the new year to bring our girl home. We are pushing through paperwork, talking with immigration, mass communicating with social workers, praying for governments to play nice, compiling our travel expenses knowing that if this all goes through we might have just a few days notice to hop on a plane and go. 

"I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. There's nothing I hold on to."

And then there is that. How do you even climb a mountain with no hands! That doesn't even make sense. 

I suppose that is the point.
Got it, God.

We are praying for things that don't make sense. That seem impossible. That can't happen.

Nothing I hold on to. 

This is our prayer and we ask that it be yours for us as well. With prayers of court dates, paperwork, miracles, our daughter...

We ask for prayers to climb this mountain with our hands wide open. To rest in the hands of the maker. That we would be made beautiful through this process and His glory would be made known. 

Nothing I hold on to.

Nothing we hold on to.

Hurdles and Skinned Hands

Have you ever been so excited about something that you awkwardly tripped, flung yourself forward, hit the pavement, and felt the searing pain of the palms of your hands scraping across the gravel?

You know, the pain that doesn't show up in the form of cool battle wounds or scars but burns to the depth of your being for like 5 days straight?

I'd like to say that these incidents were isolated only to my growing years of childhood, but seeing as I am quite clumsy...this is a normal occurrence.

It hurts. A lot.

And although a meager metaphor for our lives right now, it was the only thing I could think of during this last week as we have journeyed through our referral acceptance.

There is nothing quite like receiving your referral for the first time. Feeling the joy, anticipation, nervousness, fear, and hope all wrapped into 20 pieces of paper that probably meant nothing to anyone for a long time.

Seeing pictures. Hearing her story.

Beautiful.

We got so wrapped up in the joy and excitement that 1 week later, as we took a closer look, we realized that there was a major date discrepancy in our daughter's paperwork.

All of the official referral and government paperwork had one date as her birthday and her birth certificate had another. It went through 2 agencies and 2 governments and we were the ones to discover it. (Insert my poor attitude here).

As we have been in communication with our agency, we found out today that the date has to be changed on all the paperwork including the government form. The amount of time this will take is unknown.

We have been promised speediness, but as we have learned quickly, that doesn't mean a whole lot.

Vulnerable moment: I feel like I have skinned hands all over. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. And I'm still laying on the ground rolling back and forth wondering what happened.

Erik asked me this morning if I knew God was good. "Yes. I know God is good." "Then let's cling to that," he said. (He makes my flailing, out of control, banged up being look slightly pathetic.)

We are clinging. We are. It is just so hard sometimes with skinned hands.

The Start Of It All...well...kind of.

Oh hey.

Long time no talk.
That's my bad. Don't worry...you haven't missed...much?

The long and short of it is this...

In the end of July we got our South African Central Authority approval to go forward with our adoption.

1 very short week later, we packed up a Uhaul and trucked halfway across the country to Minnesota to start a new chapter in life.

One even shorter week after that we arrived in St. Paul, moved into our new house, had a Home Study update, Erik started his new job as a High School Youth Pastor and we waited for our official referral. 

One very LONG month after that....

We received a phone call. And an email. Today.

You better believe it. 

WE GOT OUR REFERRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are just a little excited. Just a little. 

Crazy ride in, eh?

More to come soon! I promise I won't make you wait another month to update you! But for now...

HOLY COW!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!

APPROVED!

Um. Yeah. No big deal. 

Just received a phone call that our case in South Africa was approved by the Central Authorities to adopt our sweet girl! 

We should be expecting our official referral somewhere on the road between California and Minnesota. (That is about 10-14 days for those of you who aren't mapping our travels!)

We are elated. Even in the midst of chaos, great news is great news.

Praise God. 

Times...They Are A Changin'

“To make a shift from one to another,” “to give a different position, course, or direction,” “to make radically different.” These are just some of the ways “change” is defined. And if we are all being honest here….change is never easy. It forces us to let go of control, to throw away our checklists (side note…I have a deep love for checklists), causes many sleepless nights, and destroys the walls of our comfort zone.

But both my husband and I sense that God has ordered a plate of change for our lives with a side of “buckle up for the ride.”

So here is what is going on with the Andersons. A few months ago, my incredible husband Erik was approached by a church in Minnesota about possibly coming on staff with them in an awesome opportunity to serve as their High School Pastor. We were completely surprised by the conversation since we hadn't been looking at other churches and are obviously not at an ideal spot in our lives to move. We had been praying non-stop since we starting talking with them and being careful to listen extremely closely and clearly to where God was leading.

After a lot of time, prayer, and conversations, we decided to accept this call. It was and has been a super hard decision and not one (if you ask me) that seems to make any sense as far as timing goes...but we feel clear and confident that God has called us to go and we are doing our best to be faithful to Him.

So…in 8 days we will be packing up and heading back toward the Midwest. It has and will continue to be a total whirlwind!

We can’t say enough how thankful we are to all of the people who loved us so much over the years here in Modesto, at our church and the community that has been built up around us. The students, families, and friends that we have grown to love so much are so incredible and we have been so blessed by each of them in unbelievable ways.  They have made us better people in everyway possible.

And specifically looking back on our adoption journey, we could not have come this far without each of them. When we felt alone, weak, confused, excited, scared out of our minds, joyful, the community here has wrapped their arms around us, encouraged us, and loved us and our future children so fully…it is hard to even put into words.

We hate that we have to say goodbye (or more like see you soon) to friends that we have depended on the last several years, but we are so thankful that we do have those friendships and all of the support, love, and encouragement that we have received in the last 6 years of our journey.

So here is to life’s next step and next adventure. And as hard as it is to say farewell…

We can’t wait to see what God has planned. 

It Cost's What?!?!

I had the great opportunity to write a quest blog post for Give1Save1 this week! Check it out on all the ins and outs of Adoption Costs and how to do it wisely! :)

Here is the link:
It Cost's What!?!?! Debt Free Adoption

I’ve been surprised at the amount of conversations I’ve had with people who say things like, “We would love to adopt but we just don’t have that kind of money.”

Apparently, you don’t know me. Up until I was 24, I thought credit cards were made for my own personal enjoyment and when I figured out that you actually had to pay that money back, I married a youth pastor.

Here is a little insight: No one has “that kind of money”.

Well, someone does.

Bill Gates.

But if you aren’t Bill Gates, or someone in that money zipcode, you don’t typically just have $30-40,000 lying around for a rainy day.

The cost of adoption is ridiculous. This is not a myth.

The bigger tragedy, however, are children living without families because adoption is expensive.

The truth of the matter is…

IF YOU HAVE THE HEART TO ADOPT THEN YOU CAN ADOPT!

I am taking huge liberties here, but I would say one of the top reasons why people don’t adopt (even if they feel called to) is because of the money issue.

When Erik and I started our adoption process, with our net worth being somewhere far in the negative thousands territory, we were 3 months into a David Ramsey money makeover. There was a part in the book that we were reading that said something along the lines of this…

“Nowhere in the Bible does God call us into a purpose and use debt as a means to accomplish it.”

And so, since we were committed to our new lifestyle changes, we made a promise.

ADOPT WITHOUT DEBT.

After 1 ½ years,  $42,000, and part-way through 2 different adoptions, we have remained debt-free from our adoption process. Did you hear that?

Debt free.

And let me tell you now, this is NOT a reflection of our awesome money-saving, penny-pinching abilities. We walked into adoption with $42 in our bank account. This has been through a lot of hard work, a lot of supportive people, a lot of great resources, and a lot of prayer.

So, is this even possible? Just because we are doing it, can you? YES!!!

Here are a few of the biggest things that have helped us along the way, that I thought I’d pass on to anyone out there who, like myself, worries, frets, or looses sleep over adoption costs.

1. Get Committed!

No, not psych ward committed. (Although there are days where I feel that is a valid option). Make the commitment with your partner or support network that you are going to go forward debt-free. These days, there are a lot of options out there like Adoption Loans or Credit Card deals that make that “safe” option appealing. And sometimes, it is necessary. But, if you can commit to it from the beginning, having that accountability is clutch when you get those phone calls that tell you that you have an unknown $7,000 adoption bill that needs to be paid in 4 weeks.

2. Get the book “Adopt Without Debt” by Julie Gumm

After our “commitment”, a great friend of mine suggested this book to me. And it is AMAZING!! It kind of makes you feel like you can take over the world, which you sometimes need to feel when you are walking through the adoption process. She has TONS of great resources and ideas for fundraisers, grants, and resources. It took me all of like 1 hour to read (which is saying a lot). It is well worth the $12 on Amazon.

3. Get Connected!

Probably the #1 greatest thing that you can do during your adoption process is to get connected. Connect with other adoptive families, your friends and family, your church body, your yoga class, whoever! It is totally your family’s discretion as to how much you choose to share or not share about your adoption. Some people are willing to be far more open than others, and that is fine. But start off knowing that you can’t do it alone. And you shouldn’t do it alone. Adoption is a hard journey and the more people you allow into your journey, the more arms and hands you have to hold you up when you are miles down the road and exhausted!

We have found one of the most effective ways to do this is through our blog. It has been an incredible resource not just for us to connect with others, but for others to join our journey! If you aren’t “tech-savy”, ask someone who is to get you set up. That is the hardest part.

But really…just yesterday I asked Erik how to search for directions on Googlemaps. So, if I can, you can.

If you don’t feel like that is your family’s cup-o-tea, set up a group email and keep your friends and family updated. It is surprising how many people really DO want to know how the process is going! And if your family is anything like mine, not updating them will just beckon multiple phone calls on the daily.

4. Get Creative!

There are probably a billion and one things that you can do to raise money for your adoption. The book I mentioned earlier is a great tool for that. But sometimes, you have to be willing to think outside of the box to bring attention to those things. We have done several handfuls of fundraisers and found that making videos to grab people’s attention has been one of the biggest tools in helping us raise money! Peeps LOVE their media, and as soon as we started making small video updates, people started sharing, new people joined the cause, and fundraising became even more fun and more successful!

5. Get to Workin!

Fundraising and Debt-Free adoption is hard work. It doesn’t come just by sitting around clickin’ buttons. I have taken on several freelance jobs, as well as started up an entire photography business to help support our adoption. We don’t expect to sit around and just wait for people to pour out money on us or “make it rain” as the young folks would say. But I have found that even in my extra jobs, people have supported above and beyond what they have needed to give. They want to get behind us and help us bring our children home. So even just talking about our adoption on a photo shoot or when I’m working with clients has opened up the doors to new and more business.

I realize that not everyone has time for extra jobs. But you can always make it work around what you can and can’t do (i.e. offering to watch somone’s kids a couple times a week for pay if you are a stay-at-home-mom, doing yard work for your neighbors on weekends if you work during the week, helping someone set up a blog if you are a tech-kind-person). Basically think, “How would I make money if I was in high school again?” Even those little amounts of extra cash are useful for Homestudy doctor’s appointments or fingerprints!

6. Get Granted!

Grants are amazing! We’ve have be awarded grants with several places – anywhere from $500-$5,000. There are a ton of great Grants that can be applied for (Show Hope, Abba Fund, God’s Grace, Lifesong, etc.) and all it takes is a little bit of time and a stamped envelope. Most Grant applications ask the same questions, so you can even cut down on time by typing out your answers and recycling them through each application. We made a date night out of it one evening and powered through a few applications. It was basically like a 2 for 1 deal! Nothing more romantic than a glass of wine and an essay about your desire to adopt.

7. Get to Prayin’.

The whole adoption journey is really a big faith journey. I whole-heartedly believe that adoption is biblical and a reflection of the heart of God. Invite Him to be at the center of your journey and keep Him at the front of everything you do. So even when it is really hard, we’ve stopped looking at the dollar sign in front of us and started focusing of Christ before us. He is basically like the most hardcore warrior ever and I’ve come to learn quickly that He doesn’t loose. Keeping every part of this journey covered in prayer keeps your perspective in the right place.

Ok. Wow. That is so much info.

But here is the deal. I’ve learned to take a giant dose of humility when it comes to adoption.

1.     It’s about more than just me. It is about an orphaned child becoming a part of a family.

2.     I can’t do it alone. We’ve had to depend of more people than I probably would have ever thought or hoped to.

3.     You have to ask for help. (That is a hard one for me.)

4.     God is in control. (Even harder for me…I’m a huge control freak.)

Someone asked Erik one time if we ever get tired of asking for money. (Quite a bold question if you ask me.) He is kind of a rockstar and responded with this…

“If your child was half-way across the world and you were trying to get them home, wouldn’t you do whatever it takes?”

Will you?

So if you, or anyone you know, have ever been scared off by the dollar signs or multiple zeros tossed around in the adoption conversation, know this…

It is more than possible. It is necessary.

Take it from a commoner.