Sunday, October 20, 2013

Nothing I Hold On To

I was woken up this morning by a hot cup of coffee on my bed stand  from my husband. Coffee and then really loud worship music in the bathroom while he showered.

Don't get me wrong, I love worship music. And worshipping. Just not before my coffee. (That is probably a stronghold worth working on.)

"I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven."

Boooooo. I like my coffee. I like my own understanding. Control issues much?

"I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven."

We get it, Will Reagan, you don't have to repeat yourself a billion times. What is the point of that anyway?

"I give it all to you, God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me."


"I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. There's nothing I hold on to."

Clearly, God doesn't care if I haven't had my morning coffee yet to start a conversation with me. 
I'm clearly moody about it. But, I'm listening. 
Maybe just with one ear. 

There's nothing I hold on to.

In my life, especially with our adoption, I sometimes find myself in too deep. My thoughts, my words, my actions, my world...I cling so tightly. 

Recently, it has been even worse, wondering if we are going to get through to court before December, knowing that if we don't have a court date for November, we will be waiting until after the new year to bring our girl home. We are pushing through paperwork, talking with immigration, mass communicating with social workers, praying for governments to play nice, compiling our travel expenses knowing that if this all goes through we might have just a few days notice to hop on a plane and go. 

"I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. There's nothing I hold on to."

And then there is that. How do you even climb a mountain with no hands! That doesn't even make sense. 

I suppose that is the point.
Got it, God.

We are praying for things that don't make sense. That seem impossible. That can't happen.

Nothing I hold on to. 

This is our prayer and we ask that it be yours for us as well. With prayers of court dates, paperwork, miracles, our daughter...

We ask for prayers to climb this mountain with our hands wide open. To rest in the hands of the maker. That we would be made beautiful through this process and His glory would be made known. 

Nothing I hold on to.

Nothing we hold on to.


  1. I've been checking back every day for an update. (The blog looks great, by the way.)

    You got me teary when you said, "We are praying for things that don't make sense." Man, isn't that the truth sometimes? I'll keep praying for a miracle before the holidays - and for God to hold you tight if His miracle timing is different than yours.

    Is this a safe place to say that it's hard to know how to pray when we're dealing with so many sinful entities? Even the people who do have the children's best interest in mind are still sinful and flawed (myself included). I sometimes tire of people telling me they'll pray for God's will for our adoption - of course I want that, but then I think about how none of this was His ideal in the first place. The disease, poverty, and corruption that caused all of these orphans is because of sin. Of course, I believe He CAN step in any time and save us from sin's consequences, but we all know that sometimes He doesn't swoop in and save us from consequences. So, I'm still not at a place of peace as far as how that fits in to my prayers for our adoption (and your adoption, and other friends' adoptions). I know I'm rambling, and this might not be what you need right now. Sorry.

    BUT - I am praying. Praying that you have peace and rest. Praying that you and your husband will knit even closer together and give each other lots of grace as you're walking through this. Praying that God will choose to step in this time and get your little girl home.

    1. Beautifully said. Thank you for your encouragement and honesty. I can not tell you how much I feel like you just said exactly what was on my heart! Thank you for your prayers and know that we are praying for you too! As much as I hate the results of sin, I love the beauty of redemption and how it looks when you can see God step in!

    2. Yes, the beauty of redemption is unmatched. Glad I didn't upset/offend you. And thanks for accepting my FB friend request (that was me!). I'll keep praying and keep checking back.