Have you ever been so excited about something that you awkwardly tripped, flung yourself forward, hit the pavement, and felt the searing pain of the palms of your hands scraping across the gravel?
You know, the pain that doesn't show up in the form of cool battle wounds or scars but burns to the depth of your being for like 5 days straight?
I'd like to say that these incidents were isolated only to my growing years of childhood, but seeing as I am quite clumsy...this is a normal occurrence.
It hurts. A lot.
And although a meager metaphor for our lives right now, it was the only thing I could think of during this last week as we have journeyed through our referral acceptance.
There is nothing quite like receiving your referral for the first time. Feeling the joy, anticipation, nervousness, fear, and hope all wrapped into 20 pieces of paper that probably meant nothing to anyone for a long time.
Seeing pictures. Hearing her story.
Beautiful.
We got so wrapped up in the joy and excitement that 1 week later, as we took a closer look, we realized that there was a major date discrepancy in our daughter's paperwork.
All of the official referral and government paperwork had one date as her birthday and her birth certificate had another. It went through 2 agencies and 2 governments and we were the ones to discover it. (Insert my poor attitude here).
As we have been in communication with our agency, we found out today that the date has to be changed on all the paperwork including the government form. The amount of time this will take is unknown.
We have been promised speediness, but as we have learned quickly, that doesn't mean a whole lot.
Vulnerable moment: I feel like I have skinned hands all over. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. And I'm still laying on the ground rolling back and forth wondering what happened.
Erik asked me this morning if I knew God was good. "Yes. I know God is good." "Then let's cling to that," he said. (He makes my flailing, out of control, banged up being look slightly pathetic.)
We are clinging. We are. It is just so hard sometimes with skinned hands.
I know this is so so very hard.....harder than houses not selling, harder than finding out you can't have your own babies, harder than all the disappointments rolled into one big ball.....but cling to God's promises....Cling to the knowledge that He knows better than we do why things are unfolding the way they are. Whether it is His protection or His great surprise. He WILL make your path straight. Love you so much. MOM
ReplyDeleteSometimes, in the midst of our log rolling, flailing on the floor, face down hysterical weeping...God does a miracle. When our arms are wide open with nothing to grab onto, bearing all of our scars He shows up with just the right amount bandaging, ointment and mommy kisses to heal us to the core. Love you both so much!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry J. Who knows what might have gone wrong in the future had you not noticed this. God connects children with the parents they are meant to be with at the right time. Really sad. I hope you have a good outlet for all this angry and emotional energy. Trip to goodwill to get some smashable china? be intentional in taking care of yourself and each other during these times of intensity.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't been here in a while and I'm getting caught up. I'm hurting for you now - so sorry about this set back. Praying.
ReplyDelete-Megan