Saturday, November 3, 2012

The Adoption Cruise Control.

I'm not a runner. 

It is on my bucket list to run a marathon but that might be the part of my bucket that has a hole in it. 
Oh, Liza....I feel for ya, girl!  

Erik and I tried the "running couple" thing for a while which ended miserably on several accounts. 
So, the running shoes that I bought because I was going to "become a runner" turned into some cool looking shoes that I wear to Target to make it look like I just ran 15 miles and am now obviously deserving of a Target Decor/Clothing slurge. 

No. I am no runner. 

So just a heads up...this next part could be partial "hear-say". 

I have heard that when these so called "runners" run, there is a moment during the excessive push of miles where you go into a state of running euphoria. 
Where the push at the beginning and the push and the end meet a happy medium and you set yourself on a human type of cruise control. 

Can we just take a moment to interject that we spent the last 4 1/2 years with a car that didn't have cruise control only to realize that cruise control is potentially the coolest thing...ever. 


Ok. Back to the running that I don't do...

This cruise control state has got me thinking quite a bit these days. Since January, our whole world has been consumed with adoption. Adoption prep. Adoption training. Adoption planning. Adoption fundraising. Adoption blogs. Adoption. Adoption. Adoption. 

We started out, looking for the right pace. At times going too fast and other times going too slow. But eventually, things evened out and we found our stride. 

And now, I feel like we've hit cruise control. Not to say that we are "cruisin'" through adoption. You would have to be crazy to think that this process is a "cruise".

But, a bit of a good stride. 
We reached a point in our adoption where there isn't paper to sign, bills to pay (thanks to many of you!), meetings to attend, sanity to be lost. We hit a stride that doesn't feel so fast anymore.

And do you know what I started feeling when we got there? 
Like I was a bad "adoptive" parent. 
Yes. Seriously.

I felt bad because I felt like I didn’t have a cause anymore. Like I wasn’t working hard enough or blogging well enough or talking “adoption” enough.
Like I was taking a sneak nap in the janitor’s closet when I was supposed to be working.

I am realizing this:

It. Is. Totally. Ok. 

Wha?!?! I don't have to be tearing my hair out, sprinting through offices, post offices, keyboards, and pen ink? I can just wait expectantly and excitedly and sometimes even have a moment in my life where I am not thinking about adoption? 


Yes I can. 

And although we hate that we won't have our child today or is ok for a while to find our cruise control button, take the foot off the gas, and put a good use to those "not for running" running shoes in the middle of the push.