One more day left until my husband comes home. Holy cow am I ready! I miss that guy like crazy!
The simple truth is that he most definitely holds me together. I don't think I fully knew this until he was absent. I'm beginning to think that I have completely unraveled in two weeks.
Example A: I gave up diet coke. SERIOUSLY?!? And no...I'm not pregnant. I saw a news story about how it is KILLING people and decided now is not my time to go. So...cold turkey. DONE.
Example B: I have a joined a new family.They are a complex and intricately amazing family known as the Walkers. You can get to know them on the show Brothers & Sisters on ABC or on your live streaming NetFlix.
The truth of the matter is, I didn't realize how much I depended on him for my sanity. Don't get me wrong...I love my independence. But, when my husband, best friend, boss, singing partner, best listener, counselor, comedian is gone...well...I just unravel.
However, I've begun to believe that the "unraveling" of myself is not all that bad. I am learning that as things come undone, there begins to be more space for God. More space for....rest.
"The movement from loneliness to solitude, however, is the beginning of any spiritual life because it is the movement from the restless senses to the restful spirit, from the outward-reaching cravings to the inward-reaching search, from the fearful clinging to the fearless play." - Henri Nouwen
So, in preparation for Erik's return, I have challenged myself. Maybe instead of giving things up or distracting myself with fake realities...I should remember that solitude is not all that bad. That it is a gift and a discipline that I often overlook. And that the movement into solitude is a practice I should include in my life.
And maybe...just maybe...all this unraveling is necessary to gently and persistently draw into our Savior.